Just wanted to write a quick update about the egg retrieval yesterday:
Dr. Sasson was able to get 8 eggs. We will know many fertilized today and then each day that goes by, we will be called with an update about how they are progressing.
We are shooting for either a Day 5 transfer (Saturday 10/10), or if we have a high quality embryo at that point, we will freeze it to be transferred in next month. This was a bit surprising to me, as I had heard that fresh transfers usually have a higher success rate than frozen transfers. Apparently, Dr. Sasson tells me, the statistics have changed in recent years. Frozen transfers at Shady Grove now have equal to or greater chances for success than fresh transfers, especially for women whom have had high dosages of stims in their most recent cycle (me!)
Right now though, I am just praying that many eggs have fertilized and that we will have something remaining by week's end. I hope some of my sanity remains by that point too!
Thanks for your positive thoughts and prayers. There is nothing better than waking up on egg retrieval day to texts from praying friends; thank you for lifting this cycle up to the Lord.
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Oh, the monitoring...
It has been one week since I started stims. I am lagging behind a bit in terms of my estrogen (880)and follicle counts (maybe 15 if we're lucky), but it's not a totally hopeless situation. It seems my ovaries are working, but just slowly. We actually had to order more meds because I ran out! It is such a bizarre experience to stare at a cartridge of medication, knowing that just one dose = $500.
On Sunday, we traveled down to the Towson office because Harrisburg was closed and Chesterbrook was crazy due to the Pope's visit. The Towson office was FILLED with women waiting to be monitored (as in, like 50 women).
It did feel like an assembly line of sorts. I think that if I had to experience that in my first cycle, I would have been really discouraged and felt super isolated. It was just such a cold experience. Women lined the waiting room with just hopeless looks on their faces. I tried to send warm glances to anyone who would actually make eye contact with me. I think that my multiple IVF cycles to date coupled with pure desensitization makes me less prone to feeling like I'm actually part of the reproductive cattle herding taking place a SGF.
That being said, I still feel though. I still feel for others who are on their journeys to motherhood without a sweet toddler at home to greet them after the cattle herding.
I was riding the elevator down after my appointment on Sunday with a woman who looked to be around 30. She was beautiful and was wearing the best of everything. I saw her get into her new Mercedes, sobbing.
I walked up to her and asked if she needed to talk. She replied, "This is so hard. It just sucks."
Ditto.
I stood and talked to her for a while and tried to help her gain a grip before leaving.
Infertility touches EVERYONE, regardless of what you have financially. It is emotional. It is hard.
I am again ever so thankful for my husband, my son, my God. I keep reminding myself of God's sovereignty. It helps me to think about it, but it also scares me a little, to be honest.
As far as my meds to date:
I am taking the highest dose of Follistim (450) allowable each day, along with 125 of Menapur.
Tonight, I will take 450 Follistim, 225 of Menapur, and Ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation. This combo will last for the next four days, I think. It's looking like I would trigger on Saturday night, with egg retrieval on Monday, 10/5?
On Sunday, we traveled down to the Towson office because Harrisburg was closed and Chesterbrook was crazy due to the Pope's visit. The Towson office was FILLED with women waiting to be monitored (as in, like 50 women).
It did feel like an assembly line of sorts. I think that if I had to experience that in my first cycle, I would have been really discouraged and felt super isolated. It was just such a cold experience. Women lined the waiting room with just hopeless looks on their faces. I tried to send warm glances to anyone who would actually make eye contact with me. I think that my multiple IVF cycles to date coupled with pure desensitization makes me less prone to feeling like I'm actually part of the reproductive cattle herding taking place a SGF.
That being said, I still feel though. I still feel for others who are on their journeys to motherhood without a sweet toddler at home to greet them after the cattle herding.
I was riding the elevator down after my appointment on Sunday with a woman who looked to be around 30. She was beautiful and was wearing the best of everything. I saw her get into her new Mercedes, sobbing.
I walked up to her and asked if she needed to talk. She replied, "This is so hard. It just sucks."
Ditto.
I stood and talked to her for a while and tried to help her gain a grip before leaving.
Infertility touches EVERYONE, regardless of what you have financially. It is emotional. It is hard.
I am again ever so thankful for my husband, my son, my God. I keep reminding myself of God's sovereignty. It helps me to think about it, but it also scares me a little, to be honest.
As far as my meds to date:
I am taking the highest dose of Follistim (450) allowable each day, along with 125 of Menapur.
Tonight, I will take 450 Follistim, 225 of Menapur, and Ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation. This combo will last for the next four days, I think. It's looking like I would trigger on Saturday night, with egg retrieval on Monday, 10/5?
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
The meds are here... again
The FedEx delivery of my meds for the third fresh IVF cycle arrived a few days ago. As I unpacked the meds, I did an inventory to ensure they were all there. At the same time, I was taking inventory of myself, working through my mental checklist to prepare for this last and final round.
I am hopeful. I am excited to get started.
If this doesn't work, it will be hard, but we will know more surely that IVF and assisted reproduction is not in the plan for us right now. Adoption just might be, and that's something we will fervently explore should this cycle not work.
I have been assigned an Antagonist Vivelle Protocol this time around. This protocol is for women whose ovaries might not respond as well as they should to a more traditional protocol. For a woman my age, I should be producing between 20-30 eggs at retrieval. Instead, last cycle, we were only able to produce FOUR eggs. Not a great start to the cycle, once you consider that the eggs have to fertilize and then make it all the way to embryos.
To increase my odds of producing more eggs, I've been taking CoQ10 supplements on top of my pre-natal vitamins. I will start on a Vivelle hormone patch next week, followed by Ganirelix injections to bring on a period. Once the period begins, I will start the traditional Follistim/Menopur injections for two weeks. Then, its hopefully a retrieval of numerous eggs!
To conclude this post, I have to tell you a hysterical story:
I had to buy an ovulation predictor kit at the drug store last week. I needed to know exactly which day I ovulated so that I would know when to start my Vivelle patch (10 days post ovulation).
Anyway, I have my ovulation predictor kit and I am checking out and this song plays from the sound system: (fast forward to 50 secs in for main chorus).
I could not hold in my laughter. I started laughing and laughing and laughing. The clerk gave me a weird face, but then caught on and started laughing too.
Ah. The irony of it all! Thanks for the sense of humor and timing, God!
I am hopeful. I am excited to get started.
If this doesn't work, it will be hard, but we will know more surely that IVF and assisted reproduction is not in the plan for us right now. Adoption just might be, and that's something we will fervently explore should this cycle not work.
I have been assigned an Antagonist Vivelle Protocol this time around. This protocol is for women whose ovaries might not respond as well as they should to a more traditional protocol. For a woman my age, I should be producing between 20-30 eggs at retrieval. Instead, last cycle, we were only able to produce FOUR eggs. Not a great start to the cycle, once you consider that the eggs have to fertilize and then make it all the way to embryos.
To increase my odds of producing more eggs, I've been taking CoQ10 supplements on top of my pre-natal vitamins. I will start on a Vivelle hormone patch next week, followed by Ganirelix injections to bring on a period. Once the period begins, I will start the traditional Follistim/Menopur injections for two weeks. Then, its hopefully a retrieval of numerous eggs!
To conclude this post, I have to tell you a hysterical story:
I had to buy an ovulation predictor kit at the drug store last week. I needed to know exactly which day I ovulated so that I would know when to start my Vivelle patch (10 days post ovulation).
I could not hold in my laughter. I started laughing and laughing and laughing. The clerk gave me a weird face, but then caught on and started laughing too.
Ah. The irony of it all! Thanks for the sense of humor and timing, God!
Friday, April 17, 2015
ROUND TWO: Day 2, after retrieval
Do you know what's weird and insanely hard to put into words? The feeling I have when I hear the phone ring and it's Shady Grove on the caller ID, calling us to update us on how many potential Knipe human lives are still living in their lab. As stated yesterday, we have three mature, fertilized eggs. Today, we have two four-cell embryos, and one two-cell embryo; still at 3 total.
I remember being nervous last time, wondering if IVF would work, but I don't remember being this nervous about this specific phase of the cycle. We had such good number last time so we knew we had good odds to get to transfer day with at least something to transfer. Now, Chris and I are on pins and needles just wondering if there is going to be anything to transfer on Monday.
We are still at three. Maria called from the lab and said she would hope to see 6-8 cell embryos tomorrow. She will call to update us tomorrow afternoon.
I remember being nervous last time, wondering if IVF would work, but I don't remember being this nervous about this specific phase of the cycle. We had such good number last time so we knew we had good odds to get to transfer day with at least something to transfer. Now, Chris and I are on pins and needles just wondering if there is going to be anything to transfer on Monday.
We are still at three. Maria called from the lab and said she would hope to see 6-8 cell embryos tomorrow. She will call to update us tomorrow afternoon.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
ROUND TWO: Day after Egg Retrieval
Yesterday was the egg retrieval; they were unfortunately only able to get four eggs, three of which were mature and able to be fertilized.
Now it is just a waiting game to see how they each grow and mature on to the blastocyst stage. Embryo transfer is set for Monday at 12:30, if we have anything to transfer. I am trying to cling to some hope here. Last time, we had 13 eggs retrieved and 8 fertilized and then we ended up implanting 2 with none left to store. I just hope that we can get at least one quality blastocyst to make it into a full fledged embryo-then-baby!
Daniella and Debbie were my nurses yesterday and they were wonderful. Sensitive. Supportive and funny.
Marie, the embryologist we had Round 1 is who will be keeping us updated each day regarding the grade and stage of the blasts; she is super sweet and it was good to see her yesterday.
Dr. Sasson was at another office yesterday so he was not there for the retrieval. Dr. K did it and she was wonderful.
Even though there were a few unplanned or last minute changes in our day yesterday, I am happy to report that I'm almost pain free today and am still just trying to remain hopeful that five days from now we will have something positive to report.
Chris, on the other hand, is a mess. I think he is worked up because we didn't really get the numbers that we had last time. We also only have one more cycle after this one that is paid for; we did not do Shared Risk this time, we did the 2 Cycle Program. Even thinking about having to do this again is not worth my time at this point, but Chris is just hyper fixated on it.
I'm hoping house projects and yard work will get us through to Monday. Distraction! Distraction! Distraction!
Now it is just a waiting game to see how they each grow and mature on to the blastocyst stage. Embryo transfer is set for Monday at 12:30, if we have anything to transfer. I am trying to cling to some hope here. Last time, we had 13 eggs retrieved and 8 fertilized and then we ended up implanting 2 with none left to store. I just hope that we can get at least one quality blastocyst to make it into a full fledged embryo-then-baby!
Daniella and Debbie were my nurses yesterday and they were wonderful. Sensitive. Supportive and funny.
Marie, the embryologist we had Round 1 is who will be keeping us updated each day regarding the grade and stage of the blasts; she is super sweet and it was good to see her yesterday.
Dr. Sasson was at another office yesterday so he was not there for the retrieval. Dr. K did it and she was wonderful.
Even though there were a few unplanned or last minute changes in our day yesterday, I am happy to report that I'm almost pain free today and am still just trying to remain hopeful that five days from now we will have something positive to report.
Chris, on the other hand, is a mess. I think he is worked up because we didn't really get the numbers that we had last time. We also only have one more cycle after this one that is paid for; we did not do Shared Risk this time, we did the 2 Cycle Program. Even thinking about having to do this again is not worth my time at this point, but Chris is just hyper fixated on it.
I'm hoping house projects and yard work will get us through to Monday. Distraction! Distraction! Distraction!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
ROUND TWO: Pre-Retrieval
Last night, Chris got to give me a shot in the bum which acted as a trigger for ovulation. Egg retrieval is set for tomorrow morning at 7:45 AM. We are planning to head to Philly tonight and get a hotel, as the timing of tomorrow's appointment is critical. We wouldn't want a flat tire or traffic to impact our ability to get there on time!
This morning I did not (THANKFULLY) have to go to Shady Grove for monitoring (my first morning not in a car in four days!) Apparently with an HCG Novarelle shot, there does not need to be any bloodwork done the following day. This trigger was different from the Lupron dual trigger I had before. I asked about the change in protocol and the nurse told me it was because of my estrogen levels. She wasn't concerned and just said things are "a little different" this time around.
As I write, I am so in awe of just how DIFFERENT everything has been this time around. I can't really explain it. Things with Chris and I are good though; we are a team. Last night's bum-shot was entertaining to say the least:)
I am so intrigued to know how many eggs they will be able to retrieve tomorrow. At yesterday's appointment, it appeared that there were around 7. This is less than last time, but hey, we only need one good one.
Each day after tomorrow, Shady Grove will call us and let us know how the embryos are doing; how many, their grade, shape etc. I haven't really allowed myself to think about this process not working. I've honestly been so busy between work and Gabe and monitoring to let the thought sit very long in my head. I hope that the next five days until transfer are quick ones.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Plan-a-holic
It's crazy that, with a three month old, I am already thinking about getting pregnant again. Many people have asked: Do you think you'll do IVF again? I think the real question is: Do we think we will have to do IVF again?
Of course I want to get pregnant naturally. Any person who has struggled with infertility still considers that the ultimate success--- pregnancy without any medical intervention! Of course, if medical intervention is needed, we will most certainly be doing IVF again.
Timeline, you ask?
In a weird way, 3 months post delivery, I miss being pregnant. WHAT!? you say? I miss the excitement of a baby on the way-- I miss the feeling of a baby moving around in there:)
Then, I have moments (at 2 AM or at 2 PM-- when Gabe should be sleeping at night or napping in the day but IS NOT) that I think: Are you crazy!? Could you imagine doing this with a toddler running around? While I have no doubt it will be crazy, we are planning to get pregnant again as soon as I am healed enough from the C-section, and as soon as we have paid off the fertility loan we needed in order to do IVF round one.
My local doctor said that women whom have had C-sections should wait at least one year before getting pregnant again, as the uterus must heal completely before it has to handle carrying another baby.
You know me--- Miss Plan-My-Life-Out. Nothing has really changed there--- I still like to have a plan, even if I know that it will change.
The real question here is: Do I trust God with the outcome, whatever it is? Will we get pregnant on our own? Will IVF work a second time? Will Gabe be our only child?
I know. I know: Focus on the here and now. Focus on Gabe. Don't be greedy--- love up that chunker, even when he isn't sleeping and is a crankaponomous. Love him now. Appreciate NOW.
Of course I want to get pregnant naturally. Any person who has struggled with infertility still considers that the ultimate success--- pregnancy without any medical intervention! Of course, if medical intervention is needed, we will most certainly be doing IVF again.
Timeline, you ask?
In a weird way, 3 months post delivery, I miss being pregnant. WHAT!? you say? I miss the excitement of a baby on the way-- I miss the feeling of a baby moving around in there:)
Then, I have moments (at 2 AM or at 2 PM-- when Gabe should be sleeping at night or napping in the day but IS NOT) that I think: Are you crazy!? Could you imagine doing this with a toddler running around? While I have no doubt it will be crazy, we are planning to get pregnant again as soon as I am healed enough from the C-section, and as soon as we have paid off the fertility loan we needed in order to do IVF round one.
My local doctor said that women whom have had C-sections should wait at least one year before getting pregnant again, as the uterus must heal completely before it has to handle carrying another baby.
You know me--- Miss Plan-My-Life-Out. Nothing has really changed there--- I still like to have a plan, even if I know that it will change.
The real question here is: Do I trust God with the outcome, whatever it is? Will we get pregnant on our own? Will IVF work a second time? Will Gabe be our only child?
I know. I know: Focus on the here and now. Focus on Gabe. Don't be greedy--- love up that chunker, even when he isn't sleeping and is a crankaponomous. Love him now. Appreciate NOW.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
20 Paths to Positive
Take a look at Shady Grove's first e-book, 20 Paths to Positive, filled with inspirational, authentic stories from couples that have experienced all aspects of infertility. This e-book was written by patients, for patients; it's an honest view into the lives of couples on their journeys to parenthood.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
A bittersweet graduation
Well, we've graduated from Shady Grove. The verb graduated sounds odd in conjunction with a fertility clinic. It just does. While we were smiling and authentically thankful to be taking the next step toward a regular, traditional pregnancy experience, it was sad to say goodbye to Dr. Sasson and the nurses whom have walked with us through the past few months.
We were able to see the baby via ultrasound again today and we could hear the heartbeat too--- 170 beats per minute:) Today we could see legs, arms, and the beginnings of a facial profile. The creation and growth of human life is absolutely miraculous; tears all around again today. I don't think I will ever get tired of staring at the image of our future baby (even if it does look a bit like an alien).
We were given exit instructions and a medication protocol. I will continue until January 3rd with the estrogen and progesterone meds and then wean off them completely. Dr. Sasson said, "You guys have to realize that you have now made it to the 5% miscarriage rate time; this is about as good as it can get for you. You need to have faith that the baby is not going anywhere. You should start treating this pregnancy in the same way any other person who did not go through fertility would treat it. The bottom line is that you guys are now completely normal!"
Of course he said the last line with a smile. He was trying to ease our fears and get us to view this pregnancy as not being a high risk one. While I am comforted by his optimism and encouragement, it is hard for me to look at this experience as anywhere near normal.
I guess the best way for me to view it is that while the journey to conception was a difficult one, the actual pregnancy is the same as any other, but still unique and new to us.
A few of my close friends have asked if I am going to tell more people about the pregnancy yet. Shockingly, internet world, we have not told our siblings and families beyond our parents to this point. Christmas is only three days away and it would be a fun time to share the news. At the same time, we are not to 12 weeks yet (the suggested milestone when couples should feel safe to share). But then again, not every pregnant couple has had perfect embryo selection and three confirmation ultrasounds by week 9.
What is the final verdict? I think we will tell our siblings but still keep it under wraps from anyone else until week 12. But who knows... my overwhelming Christmas spirit might dissuade our plan:)
We were able to see the baby via ultrasound again today and we could hear the heartbeat too--- 170 beats per minute:) Today we could see legs, arms, and the beginnings of a facial profile. The creation and growth of human life is absolutely miraculous; tears all around again today. I don't think I will ever get tired of staring at the image of our future baby (even if it does look a bit like an alien).
We were given exit instructions and a medication protocol. I will continue until January 3rd with the estrogen and progesterone meds and then wean off them completely. Dr. Sasson said, "You guys have to realize that you have now made it to the 5% miscarriage rate time; this is about as good as it can get for you. You need to have faith that the baby is not going anywhere. You should start treating this pregnancy in the same way any other person who did not go through fertility would treat it. The bottom line is that you guys are now completely normal!"
Of course he said the last line with a smile. He was trying to ease our fears and get us to view this pregnancy as not being a high risk one. While I am comforted by his optimism and encouragement, it is hard for me to look at this experience as anywhere near normal.
I guess the best way for me to view it is that while the journey to conception was a difficult one, the actual pregnancy is the same as any other, but still unique and new to us.
A few of my close friends have asked if I am going to tell more people about the pregnancy yet. Shockingly, internet world, we have not told our siblings and families beyond our parents to this point. Christmas is only three days away and it would be a fun time to share the news. At the same time, we are not to 12 weeks yet (the suggested milestone when couples should feel safe to share). But then again, not every pregnant couple has had perfect embryo selection and three confirmation ultrasounds by week 9.
What is the final verdict? I think we will tell our siblings but still keep it under wraps from anyone else until week 12. But who knows... my overwhelming Christmas spirit might dissuade our plan:)
Monday, December 10, 2012
Teeny, tiny, blinking heart!
It's been a few days since I have posted. The combination of holiday busyness and the general feeling of nausea that I have been experiencing of late can be be attributed to my lack of blog productivity. Sorry!
To get you up to speed, I will recap Friday's visit to Shady Grove. To be honest, Chris and I arrived to see Dr. Sasson with the almost certainty that we were pregnant with twins. I didn't post much about this just because I wanted to wait until we had ultrasound confirmation. Dr. Sasson told me multiple times that my high HCG levels were indicative of multiple births. That added to the known fact that we chose a two-embryo transfer contributed to Chris and my near certainty that I was carrying twins.
We arrived at the office and were taken back to the ultrasound room. Dr. Sasson eagerly greeted us; he said that if we were lucky, we would get to see a heartbeat on the screen. Apparently, at around six weeks, the heart starts beating. Last Friday, I was six weeks and one day, so we were hopeful that we would get to see an actual heartbeat.
The more pressing question was how many heartbeats we might be able to see. For a solid two minutes, Dr. Sasson looked around my uterus and didn't say anything. I was rigidly staring at the screen, praying that something would be in there! He kept telling me to breathe.
Breathe? Yeah, right! I was staring at the screen, anxiously awaiting some blob or mass that could be a baby.
And then, I saw it--- a teeny tiny flickering heart inside a sac. Even though I could barely see the form of a baby, seeing a beating heart was enough to bring us to tears.
Dr. Sasson did some more searching and didn't see another sac or another heartbeat. He did believe that two embryos originally implanted because my early HCG numbers were so high. However, at some point in the last week, we lost one of the babies.
I wrote in an earlier post that I never imagined I would be disappointed after hearing I was actually pregnant. But to be honest, my heart did sink a bit because Chris and I so definitely thought we would be adding two babies to our family this summer. At the same time, we were thrilled to have seen one heartbeat. It was such an odd, contradictory, happy-sad emotion, one that I have not exactly felt before.
Dr. Sasson spoke with us a while longer and covered the medications I need to continue to take (continue Estrogen and Progesterone twice daily until I reach eight weeks) and he went over my restrictions. At this point, he advised that I not do an strenuous activities, especially any activity that could be jolting. So it looks like I am going to be a walker for the next few weeks.
We will have another ultrasound this Friday and then another next Friday. After our third total ultrasound, we will "graduate" from Shady Grove. Weird, but good. I can't imagine not having Dr. Sasson be a part of my pregnancy and delivery, as he has been such an integral part in getting us to this point. However, he assured us that he will be speaking with my Williamsport OBGYN to get him/her up to speed.
Today, a few days after our first ultrasound, Chris and I have been able to process and work through our sadness over the lost baby, and we have been able to start gearing up for the unbelievable, incredible realization that I AM pregnant; this summer, we are going to hold a real, live baby!
To get you up to speed, I will recap Friday's visit to Shady Grove. To be honest, Chris and I arrived to see Dr. Sasson with the almost certainty that we were pregnant with twins. I didn't post much about this just because I wanted to wait until we had ultrasound confirmation. Dr. Sasson told me multiple times that my high HCG levels were indicative of multiple births. That added to the known fact that we chose a two-embryo transfer contributed to Chris and my near certainty that I was carrying twins.
We arrived at the office and were taken back to the ultrasound room. Dr. Sasson eagerly greeted us; he said that if we were lucky, we would get to see a heartbeat on the screen. Apparently, at around six weeks, the heart starts beating. Last Friday, I was six weeks and one day, so we were hopeful that we would get to see an actual heartbeat.
The more pressing question was how many heartbeats we might be able to see. For a solid two minutes, Dr. Sasson looked around my uterus and didn't say anything. I was rigidly staring at the screen, praying that something would be in there! He kept telling me to breathe.
Breathe? Yeah, right! I was staring at the screen, anxiously awaiting some blob or mass that could be a baby.
And then, I saw it--- a teeny tiny flickering heart inside a sac. Even though I could barely see the form of a baby, seeing a beating heart was enough to bring us to tears.
Dr. Sasson did some more searching and didn't see another sac or another heartbeat. He did believe that two embryos originally implanted because my early HCG numbers were so high. However, at some point in the last week, we lost one of the babies.
I wrote in an earlier post that I never imagined I would be disappointed after hearing I was actually pregnant. But to be honest, my heart did sink a bit because Chris and I so definitely thought we would be adding two babies to our family this summer. At the same time, we were thrilled to have seen one heartbeat. It was such an odd, contradictory, happy-sad emotion, one that I have not exactly felt before.
Dr. Sasson spoke with us a while longer and covered the medications I need to continue to take (continue Estrogen and Progesterone twice daily until I reach eight weeks) and he went over my restrictions. At this point, he advised that I not do an strenuous activities, especially any activity that could be jolting. So it looks like I am going to be a walker for the next few weeks.
We will have another ultrasound this Friday and then another next Friday. After our third total ultrasound, we will "graduate" from Shady Grove. Weird, but good. I can't imagine not having Dr. Sasson be a part of my pregnancy and delivery, as he has been such an integral part in getting us to this point. However, he assured us that he will be speaking with my Williamsport OBGYN to get him/her up to speed.
Today, a few days after our first ultrasound, Chris and I have been able to process and work through our sadness over the lost baby, and we have been able to start gearing up for the unbelievable, incredible realization that I AM pregnant; this summer, we are going to hold a real, live baby!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Secrets
It's been about ten days since we got the official word on our positive pregnancy. I still pause throughout the day to revel in the joy that we will have a new addition to our family this summer. I have to say, it's been hard keeping my joy from bubbling up to the surface publicly. This secret-keeping thing is hard! I can keep secrets when they are serious, or when they must be prayed over. However, it's the exciting secrets that are hard ones to keep.
I actually had a flashback to age eight, when my parents told my brothers and me that they were pregnant with my sister. I so vividly remember the conversation. It was a weeknight. We were eating spaghetti and meatballs. My parents were seated at opposite ends of the table, whilst Ben, Dan, and I fought over who would get the last piece of garlic bread. I remember my parents being particularly quiet.
Mom: Your father has something he wants to tell you.
Dad: No, your mom has something to tell you.
Ben: Tell us what? Are we finally getting horses for in the barn? (Side note: Prior to my parent's announcement of a new baby for our family, my brothers and I spent weeks cleaning out the barn with the promise of two horses and a pasture being held over our heads by our parents).
Mom: No, you're not getting horses. You are going to get another brother or sister. I am pregnant.
Neither one of my parents looked overjoyed at this proclamation Instead, they sat at the table, quietly, still in disbelief that they would be adding a tag-along-kid to the Meckbach clan.
I, conversely jumped out of my chair and proceeded to do cartwheels in the kitchen, screaming at the top of my lungs! At last, after years of being beat up, tortured, and teased, I would get to have a younger sibling to smother-mother. Both Dan and Ben seemed less than amused. In fact, Ben, being thirteen, was able to connect the dots that yes, his parents, actually did have sex. Gross. Dan, on the other hand, demanded that this new baby be a boy; if it was a girl, he was having no part in it. And, he insisted we better still be getting the horses.**
I remember my mom tucking me into bed that night. She talked about secrets and how this new baby was going to be a just-for-our-family-to-know secret for a while longer. I promised not to tell ANYONE, not even my bus driver, or my grandmother.
Well, I was able to successfully keep the secret for nine hours (while sleeping). The next day, I announced to everyone at Loyalsock Valley Elementary School that my mom was pregnant!
The next night, after getting multiple congratulatory phone calls, my mom sat me down and asked me if I had told anyone that she was pregnant. Yikes. I was caught. I told her that I did and waited for some kind of punishment.
It never came. I think my mom realized that the secret of a new life added to our family was just too big for an eight year old future-older-sister-to-be to keep.
And so here I am, twenty years later, attempting to keep my own secret.
Tomorrow, we head down to Shady Grove for our first ultrasound. I am excited to for once, actually see something in my uterus! For months, I have been staring at an empty uterus on the screen, looking at a literal void that I so figuratively felt. I have a feeling that I will be talking to the screen, similarly to the way I spoke to the Expectant Mother Parking Sign: Take that!
We will also be finding out whether we have one or two babies. I have been praying that God would help us get a handle on this situation. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be disappointed at finding out I was pregnant with one baby. It is hard now, however, because we know there is a chance that two babies are growing inside of me. It is difficult to control our expectations when we know way more about embryos and the reproductive process than we should.
And so the reminder hits me once more, that God has so perfectly carved for us His plan for our parenthood. He knows what we can handle and what is best for our lives, right here and right now. Even in our unknown, He is there and He knows all.
**Just in case you were wondering, we never did get the horses. But to this day, my sweet Carolyn is a way better gift!
I actually had a flashback to age eight, when my parents told my brothers and me that they were pregnant with my sister. I so vividly remember the conversation. It was a weeknight. We were eating spaghetti and meatballs. My parents were seated at opposite ends of the table, whilst Ben, Dan, and I fought over who would get the last piece of garlic bread. I remember my parents being particularly quiet.
Mom: Your father has something he wants to tell you.
Dad: No, your mom has something to tell you.
Ben: Tell us what? Are we finally getting horses for in the barn? (Side note: Prior to my parent's announcement of a new baby for our family, my brothers and I spent weeks cleaning out the barn with the promise of two horses and a pasture being held over our heads by our parents).
Mom: No, you're not getting horses. You are going to get another brother or sister. I am pregnant.
Neither one of my parents looked overjoyed at this proclamation Instead, they sat at the table, quietly, still in disbelief that they would be adding a tag-along-kid to the Meckbach clan.
I, conversely jumped out of my chair and proceeded to do cartwheels in the kitchen, screaming at the top of my lungs! At last, after years of being beat up, tortured, and teased, I would get to have a younger sibling to smother-mother. Both Dan and Ben seemed less than amused. In fact, Ben, being thirteen, was able to connect the dots that yes, his parents, actually did have sex. Gross. Dan, on the other hand, demanded that this new baby be a boy; if it was a girl, he was having no part in it. And, he insisted we better still be getting the horses.**
I remember my mom tucking me into bed that night. She talked about secrets and how this new baby was going to be a just-for-our-family-to-know secret for a while longer. I promised not to tell ANYONE, not even my bus driver, or my grandmother.
Well, I was able to successfully keep the secret for nine hours (while sleeping). The next day, I announced to everyone at Loyalsock Valley Elementary School that my mom was pregnant!
The next night, after getting multiple congratulatory phone calls, my mom sat me down and asked me if I had told anyone that she was pregnant. Yikes. I was caught. I told her that I did and waited for some kind of punishment.
It never came. I think my mom realized that the secret of a new life added to our family was just too big for an eight year old future-older-sister-to-be to keep.
And so here I am, twenty years later, attempting to keep my own secret.
Tomorrow, we head down to Shady Grove for our first ultrasound. I am excited to for once, actually see something in my uterus! For months, I have been staring at an empty uterus on the screen, looking at a literal void that I so figuratively felt. I have a feeling that I will be talking to the screen, similarly to the way I spoke to the Expectant Mother Parking Sign: Take that!
We will also be finding out whether we have one or two babies. I have been praying that God would help us get a handle on this situation. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be disappointed at finding out I was pregnant with one baby. It is hard now, however, because we know there is a chance that two babies are growing inside of me. It is difficult to control our expectations when we know way more about embryos and the reproductive process than we should.
And so the reminder hits me once more, that God has so perfectly carved for us His plan for our parenthood. He knows what we can handle and what is best for our lives, right here and right now. Even in our unknown, He is there and He knows all.
**Just in case you were wondering, we never did get the horses. But to this day, my sweet Carolyn is a way better gift!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Heaven!
Yesterday began at 6:00 AM when Chris and I sprinted into the Divine Providence Hospital lab for my blood work. Dr. Sasson did request that my blood work results be sent to him STAT, but I didn't exactly know what STAT meant in the Williamsport blood work world. STAT could mean immediately, or in a few hours, or sometime that day. Needless to say, I came home from the lab and tried to busy myself with work, waiting for a phone call from Shady Grove.
At around 10:45, the phone rang. I could tell by the caller ID that it was Shady Grove. I took a deep breath, and answered the call.
I immediately heard Dr. Sasson's voice.
"Rachel? Hi, it's Dr. Sasson."
"Hi." (At this point, I was on the verge of crying, sweating, and vomiting simultaneously)
"I am standing here with Morgan and Stephanie and Jamie and we all want to tell you congratulations because you are pregnant! You did it!"
"What? Oh my gosh. No way!" (Insert blubbering crying, hysterical screaming, crying some more, and a few "I can't-believe-its" and "Praise Gods" and I think you can get the picture of my response).
"I will wait a few minutes for you to catch your breath. Let me know when you are ready."
"Ok, I'm ready."
"Your levels look great and you are definitely five weeks pregnant. I want you to do repeat blood work on Wednesday and Friday, just make sure your levels continue to rise. I will see you for an ultrasound in a few weeks to make sure that everything is going smoothly, and then you will be formally discharged from Shady Grove to your own doctor in Williamsport."
This is the best I can do to recount the conversation. I just remember sitting at my desk being in complete shock that it really was happening, that finally, we had confirmation of a tiny life or lives that would be added to our family.
After I hung up the phone, I quickly changed and ran out of the door. I wanted to tell Chris immediately but I didn't want to do it over the phone. The whole way to his office, I was crying and smiling, in a state of pure joy. I am surprised I was able to navigate and make it there in one piece!
I texted Chris and asked him to come out to the parking lot. I saw him push open the door of the Children's Development Center. He wore a look of concern, but as soon as he saw me smiling, he started running to the car. He jumped in the passenger seat and grabbed me.
"I'm pregnant. It worked. Oh my gosh, I'm pregnant!"
We bawled our faces off for about fifteen minutes, sitting in the parking lot. He asked me to recount, word for word, what Dr. Sasson told me. I did my best.
After about twenty minutes of in-the-Subaru celebration, Chris thought he should probably go back in to work since no one knew why he had flown out the door earlier. I will never forget seeing him practically skip back into work.
While we are absolutely thrilled beyond words, we do realize that we can't tell the world right away. Heck, if it were up to me, I'd be telling anyone, whether I knew him or not!
We did tell our parents last night, however. My parents have really been on this journey with me and have been supporting us spiritually and emotionally for over three years.
Upon telling my parents, my dad stood up slowly and walked toward me. He hugged me for a few minutes, tears streaming down his face, saying, "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus."
My mom jumped up and down and hugged Chris and then me and then both of us.
Next, we drove to Chris's parent's house. While his parents were aware that we were facing some fertility issues, they did not know the extreme to which we struggled.
Chris told his parents and his mom and dad just sat still for a moment in disbelief and then they jumped up and started hugging us. I think his dad was at a loss for words, and so all that came out was, "We're so proud of you guys," which immediately made me laugh because it sounded so funny! Proud of us for what? We should all be proud of Dr. Sasson and proud to be children of a miraculous God!
I made them all swear to secrecy that they would not tell anyone else until we decided it would be a safer time to tell the masses. That goes for you too, cyber world! We are really pushing to wait to tell everyone until January. Here's to hoping we can hold out that long!
All in all, it was such an emotional, memorable day for us. I climbed into bed last night, emotionally exhausted, yet indescribably content. I woke up several times throughout the night to Chris, grabbing my hand and whispering, "Just in case you forgot, we're pregnant."
Heaven. Pure heaven.
Monday, November 26, 2012
November 26th
Wow! Even though each day lately has felt 100 hours long, we've miraculously made it to November 26th, the day when we can hear officially if the first round of IVF was successful. Over the past week, I have been doing everything I can to stay busy, including some odd tasks:
Leaf blowing the yard, vacuuming (three times last week), cooking Thanksgiving dinner for Chris's family, putting up two Christmas trees and a Christmas village complete with two train sets, re-caulking the bathtubs, practicing the piano, putting up my parents' outside Christmas lights, hosting a group from our church for fellowship and brunch, folding laundry, lint rolling the furniture, and organizing the hall closet.
Yep. I am totally sane.
At 6:00 AM this morning, Chris and I strolled into Divine Providence Hospital's outpatient lab so I could get my blood work completed.
And now, it's 9:08 AM, and we are waiting to get a phone call from Dr. Sasson. That's all I've got for now.
Leaf blowing the yard, vacuuming (three times last week), cooking Thanksgiving dinner for Chris's family, putting up two Christmas trees and a Christmas village complete with two train sets, re-caulking the bathtubs, practicing the piano, putting up my parents' outside Christmas lights, hosting a group from our church for fellowship and brunch, folding laundry, lint rolling the furniture, and organizing the hall closet.
Yep. I am totally sane.
At 6:00 AM this morning, Chris and I strolled into Divine Providence Hospital's outpatient lab so I could get my blood work completed.
And now, it's 9:08 AM, and we are waiting to get a phone call from Dr. Sasson. That's all I've got for now.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Patience is a virtue...
...that I have yet to conquer!
Remember my earlier post about being patient? I just want you to know that I haven't mastered it yet.
I called Shady Grove yesterday to schedule my pregnancy bloodwork appointment for next Monday (approximately six days and twelve hours from now, but who's counting?). Chris and I clearly would do anything to find out if we are pregnant or not, but the thought of driving six hours roundtrip down to Philly for a needle stick seemed a bit annoying. I asked if I could get the blood test done in Williamsport somehow. A few phone calls later and it's a go!
Dr. Sasson sent me an order for bloodwork via email and he marked that the results had to be sent to him STAT--- as in, the same day. He will call us as soon as he gets the results on Monday. I checked the hours at our local hospital lab, and it opens at 6 AM on Monday. I'm not saying I'll be there at 6 AM... but I might be.
Even now, as I type, I am giddy and delirious with nervous energy.... and yet, it's only Tuesday.
Remember my earlier post about being patient? I just want you to know that I haven't mastered it yet.
I called Shady Grove yesterday to schedule my pregnancy bloodwork appointment for next Monday (approximately six days and twelve hours from now, but who's counting?). Chris and I clearly would do anything to find out if we are pregnant or not, but the thought of driving six hours roundtrip down to Philly for a needle stick seemed a bit annoying. I asked if I could get the blood test done in Williamsport somehow. A few phone calls later and it's a go!
Dr. Sasson sent me an order for bloodwork via email and he marked that the results had to be sent to him STAT--- as in, the same day. He will call us as soon as he gets the results on Monday. I checked the hours at our local hospital lab, and it opens at 6 AM on Monday. I'm not saying I'll be there at 6 AM... but I might be.
Even now, as I type, I am giddy and delirious with nervous energy.... and yet, it's only Tuesday.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
In the fullness of time...
This waiting game thing is for the birds! And as I write that phrase I wonder, where did that expression even came from?! A quick Google search and:
Romans 8:24-25
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 15:4-5
For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus.
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law
.
In the days before automobiles, the streets were filled with horse-drawn carriages, and these animals quite naturally left behind deposits from their digestive systems. These emissions contained half-digested oats that attracted swarms of birds, which took nourishment from the deposits. The people of the time coined the expression “for the birds” as meaning anything of the same value as these horse-droppings.
We say that something that is worthless is “for the birds”.
While I think that waiting stinks (not literally as in horse-droppings), I know there must be some value to waiting. We see many examples of people in the Bible waiting on God---waiting for a miracle, or waiting for direction, or waiting for a promise to be fulfilled . My two weeks is nothing in comparison to Abraham and Sarah's waiting 100 plus years for a baby. Even though I might feel like I am wandering through a 40-year dessert, I'm not.
What value comes from waiting? With regard to my current situation, I am not exactly being patient. I want November 26th to be yesterday. Regardless, God is working to increase my patience. And maybe, I will need to reference this time later, when I am exhausted, running around cleaning up twin messes! (I can only hope!) Or, when a sibling is predictably unconcerned with helping clean up after the family Thanksgiving feast, or when a visitor wants to talk with me after church and my stomach is growling for lunch. We can all think of instances where more patience could be so valued.
I don't think we ever master the art of waiting. However, I do think God gives us the tools to handle the wait. He offers unimaginable strength and fortitude to help us when we feel like time or answers evade us.
James 1:4
But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing
Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry
Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint
Romans 8:24-25
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 15:4-5
For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus.
Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law
.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Unfailing Love
This morning I write with both a sad and hopeful heart. Mentally, I go from one end of the spectrum to the other, and here's why:
Yesterday, Shady Grove called to tell us that none of the remaining embryos made it to the point where they could be frozen and stored for future use. We left Shady Grove on Tuesday knowing we had three in the running, hopeful that at least one would make it.
I probably seem like a weirdo, but those embryos were precious to us already, literally tiny pieces of us. While I am overjoyed that two of the embryos were transferred Tuesday, I'm saddened at the thought that the remaining three didn't make it.
I've caught myself smiling at the thought of two baby Knipes, potentially our future family, growing inside of me. And then, only a moment, later, I am saddened as I remember that they are all we have left at this point.
If I do not get pregnant this month, we will have to start from scratch next month, shots and all. This is something that I am willing to do, but it is something that I do not want to do. I am praying that I will be able to get myself mentally in the "best place" during this two week wait: Should I be 100% optimistic, believing that I am pregnant with twins? If I'm not pregnant, I'm going to be devastated. Should I be cautious, already outlining Plan B should this not work? I don't know if that' a healthy outlook either. The reality is, I will be heartbroken if I do not get pregnant, but God has not forsaken me this far. He's not going to leave me in the middle of a trial.
On Sunday, our sermon outlined a Biblical approach to handing the unknown. The speaker said, "God has never given me the ability to see what is coming down the pike. I never know what is headed my way next. But, I always know who is going to be there. God has always been at every event, good or bad, in my life. Focus on who is going to show up for you, not what is going happen."
God has so graciously and amazingly paved the way for us to be where we are right now. As I think back over the past few years and the struggles we have encountered, He has shown His power and been so gracious to us. He has shown up in the very minute we needed him (Hello! Read Tuesday's transfer day blog!).
I know I get too much into my own head. I over think. I question. God knows that. He knows me. And I am so loved by Him that He would never abandon me. That, friends, is how to walk through uncertainty---- look at what you know to be true and unfailing---- His love for us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Yesterday, Shady Grove called to tell us that none of the remaining embryos made it to the point where they could be frozen and stored for future use. We left Shady Grove on Tuesday knowing we had three in the running, hopeful that at least one would make it.
I probably seem like a weirdo, but those embryos were precious to us already, literally tiny pieces of us. While I am overjoyed that two of the embryos were transferred Tuesday, I'm saddened at the thought that the remaining three didn't make it.
I've caught myself smiling at the thought of two baby Knipes, potentially our future family, growing inside of me. And then, only a moment, later, I am saddened as I remember that they are all we have left at this point.
If I do not get pregnant this month, we will have to start from scratch next month, shots and all. This is something that I am willing to do, but it is something that I do not want to do. I am praying that I will be able to get myself mentally in the "best place" during this two week wait: Should I be 100% optimistic, believing that I am pregnant with twins? If I'm not pregnant, I'm going to be devastated. Should I be cautious, already outlining Plan B should this not work? I don't know if that' a healthy outlook either. The reality is, I will be heartbroken if I do not get pregnant, but God has not forsaken me this far. He's not going to leave me in the middle of a trial.
On Sunday, our sermon outlined a Biblical approach to handing the unknown. The speaker said, "God has never given me the ability to see what is coming down the pike. I never know what is headed my way next. But, I always know who is going to be there. God has always been at every event, good or bad, in my life. Focus on who is going to show up for you, not what is going happen."
God has so graciously and amazingly paved the way for us to be where we are right now. As I think back over the past few years and the struggles we have encountered, He has shown His power and been so gracious to us. He has shown up in the very minute we needed him (Hello! Read Tuesday's transfer day blog!).
I know I get too much into my own head. I over think. I question. God knows that. He knows me. And I am so loved by Him that He would never abandon me. That, friends, is how to walk through uncertainty---- look at what you know to be true and unfailing---- His love for us.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Peace and Hope
Chris and I went to bed last night having not fully resolved the one or two embryo transfer decision. We decided that we would pray more and hope that clarity would find its way into our hearts and minds prior to the 11:30 AM transfer.
I kept waking up throughout the night, opening my eyes fervently asking God: What should we do? God, please give us a nudge one way or another!
Anyone who knows Chris and me knows that we are pro/con people, chart makers, spreadsheet specialist... nerds who make most major decisions logically (Chris) and decisively (Rachel). For the three hour ride to the doctor's office, we talked in circles, paused to pray, talked some more... We weren't frantic, but we just didn't feel peace about which decision to make.
Added to the decision tango was the fact that I had to arrive at the clinic with a moderately full bladder--not so full that I would be doing the potty dance in the parking lot of the clinic, but full enough to feel it. Attempting to find this urinary balance was a feat. I've never really paid attention to my water intake and subsequent bathroom usage before so I didn't know how to reach the right balance. Two bathroom breaks later (I think I was too overzealous with the water drinking in the first part of the trip), I started fresh with a new bottle of water around Allentown. I sipped it periodically and we arrived in the parking lot of the clinic, full bladder and all.
Before heading in, Chris grabbed my hand and we prayed a final time. We prayed that God would give us peace and clarity. A hug and a kiss and we were on our way.
We were called back quickly and asked to change-- me into a gown, and Chris into this "awesome" outfit!
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| Yep, he is one cool guy. |
We sat down with the embryologist, Maria and Dr. Munabi. The embryologist updated us on how our embryos were doing: two were "absolutely perfect" and three were still underdeveloped. The three underdeveloped embryos were still in the game, but were not ready for a transfer today. The two "absolutely perfect" embryos were ready, if we wanted to choose two.
We talked to Dr. Munabi about the risks, benefits etc.---- all information we had already known coming in to the conversation. We asked medical professional their opinions. Each said they would lean toward two embryos because of their superior grades. It is not often that two embryos are ready and have the same grade at the same time.
Well, we asked for a sign. And we got one. Two medical professionals, encouraging the transfer of two embryos.
Dr. Sasson, our primary doctor at Shady Grove, was away today. I wondered, what would he think? He had been encouraging us to only do one... (see note at the end of the post).
Chris and I talked for a minute more and then both firmly decided that we wanted two.
We headed back to the operating room and things went smoothly from there. Dr. Munabi made me feel so relaxed and told me what he was doing before he did it. What was super cool was that we got to watch the transfer (the embryos coming out of the catheter into my uterus) on a screen. We were able to see everything. It was the best show I've ever seen!
After the transfer was over, I rested for a while, and Chris and I chatted with the embryologist. She was so sweet; she brought us a photo of the two embryos that she had taken with the microscope, right before the transfer:
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| Unbelievable! Embryo 1 and 2.
We drove home, pretty much on cloud nine, thankful that we felt at peace about our decision and hopeful for what is to come!
|
Note: Dr. Sasson called this afternoon to check on us. He said had he been at the office this morning to see the two best embryos, he would have encouraged the transfer of two also.
You might be wondering about the three remaining embryos: We will get a call tomorrow from Maria letting us know if any of them made it to the final stage, the stage where it is safe to freeze them for future use. We could have three remaining, two, one or none. I will post tomorrow with that update.
Monday, November 12, 2012
And then there were five
We received a call from the embryologist this morning giving us a time for tomorrow's transfer: 11:30. I am glad it's not super early as we can now sleep at our house and drive down in the morning in the light! This might be our first morning trip not in complete darkness.
The science behind choosing which embryo(s) are best is somewhat above me, however I will try to give you the basics.
Essentially, each embryo receives a grade on a one to five scale (1= great, 5= not so hot). Embryos get their scores based on symmetry, size, etc. Today, we have four embryos that received grades of 1 (I'm so proud! Ha!) and one that has a grade of a 1.5. Unfortunately, we did loose one embryo over the course of the past twenty four hours.
The embryologist discussed our options for tomorrow, not knowing how many embryos we will have prior to the morning transfer. We could still have five, or we could have four, or three, or two. She was positive that we would have at least two remaning, worst case scenario.
This whole thing is nerve-wracking! Nothing like planning for your future family over the course of twenty four hours!
The embryologists asked if we wanted to implant one or two embryos. Previously, we were thinking we wanted two, but after discussing the risks with our doctor and my aunt (seasoned labor and delivery nurse) we decided to implant just one. However, learning that we might only have two total embryos to deal with tomorrow, we are thinking we might do two. I don't know. To be honest, our minds change hourly.
I think my transfer procedure will actually be closer to noon tomorrow, so the embryologist blocked off time for us to sit and chat with her and with Dr. Munabi, the doctor who is doing the transfer (Dr. Sasson is out of town tomorrow:( ). We can't really make a super informed decision regarding the number we want to transfer until we know tomorrow's information. It's not exactly like we can flip a coin on something so huge...
It's funny-- we always want to take control and dictate what the outcome will be in our lives. We want to make God's decisions for Him. And now, that Chris and I have the ability to make the decision of one or two embryos, one or two babies, we are scared out of our minds.
As this situation comes to mind today and through the night, I am going to continue to pray for clarity and direction so that we can go into transfer tomorrow at peace.
The science behind choosing which embryo(s) are best is somewhat above me, however I will try to give you the basics.
Essentially, each embryo receives a grade on a one to five scale (1= great, 5= not so hot). Embryos get their scores based on symmetry, size, etc. Today, we have four embryos that received grades of 1 (I'm so proud! Ha!) and one that has a grade of a 1.5. Unfortunately, we did loose one embryo over the course of the past twenty four hours.
The embryologist discussed our options for tomorrow, not knowing how many embryos we will have prior to the morning transfer. We could still have five, or we could have four, or three, or two. She was positive that we would have at least two remaning, worst case scenario.
This whole thing is nerve-wracking! Nothing like planning for your future family over the course of twenty four hours!
The embryologists asked if we wanted to implant one or two embryos. Previously, we were thinking we wanted two, but after discussing the risks with our doctor and my aunt (seasoned labor and delivery nurse) we decided to implant just one. However, learning that we might only have two total embryos to deal with tomorrow, we are thinking we might do two. I don't know. To be honest, our minds change hourly.
I think my transfer procedure will actually be closer to noon tomorrow, so the embryologist blocked off time for us to sit and chat with her and with Dr. Munabi, the doctor who is doing the transfer (Dr. Sasson is out of town tomorrow:( ). We can't really make a super informed decision regarding the number we want to transfer until we know tomorrow's information. It's not exactly like we can flip a coin on something so huge...
It's funny-- we always want to take control and dictate what the outcome will be in our lives. We want to make God's decisions for Him. And now, that Chris and I have the ability to make the decision of one or two embryos, one or two babies, we are scared out of our minds.
As this situation comes to mind today and through the night, I am going to continue to pray for clarity and direction so that we can go into transfer tomorrow at peace.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Embryo Update
Let's start with this: I should have paid more attention in ninth grade biology class when we learned about cell division! Each day since the egg retrieval, Dr. Sasson has called to update us regarding the number and size of the embryos. We can tell the strength of the embryos based on how many times each has divided. The following is a timeline that outlines the information we have received from Shady Grove regarding the embryos:
THURSDAY--Egg Retrieval: Thirteen eggs retrieved. The eggs were fertilized Thursday PM.
FRIDAY-- Two eggs were not large enough to fertilize, three did not fertilize at all, so that left us with eight embryos remaining at the very beginning stages of division/growth.
SATURDAY-- Six of the eight embryos were two cell embryos, meaning they divided once. Two of the eight were four cell embryos, meaning they divided twice and were a bit "ahead of the pack". Dr. Sasson advised us that there was a small chance we could be asked to come in on Sunday for a Day 3 transfer, but he said it looked like a Day 5 (Tuesday) transfer would be more likely.
SUNDAY (today)-- Dr. Sasson called at 7AM to let us know that we now have six embryos remaining. All of them are eight cell embryos. This is good! He told us we are going to push for a Day 5 transfer; he said the embryos looked "gorgeous"and that they are chugging along!
It is so strange; I already feel like they are ours. When I hear that an embryo is no longer viable, I honestly feel a bit saddened. I don't even know them, yet I know them. God knows them. Chris and I know them more than parents who conceive babies the traditional way... We have some extra science knowledge on our end. They are teeny tiny specs in a petri dish... but they are inconceivably more to us.
Some of you have asked about my meds: I am now taking estrogen and progesteron three times a day to get my reproductive system restored and back on track. No negative side effects to report to date.
Basic Timeline
FRIDAY-- Two eggs were not large enough to fertilize, three did not fertilize at all, so that left us with eight embryos remaining at the very beginning stages of division/growth.
SATURDAY-- Six of the eight embryos were two cell embryos, meaning they divided once. Two of the eight were four cell embryos, meaning they divided twice and were a bit "ahead of the pack". Dr. Sasson advised us that there was a small chance we could be asked to come in on Sunday for a Day 3 transfer, but he said it looked like a Day 5 (Tuesday) transfer would be more likely.
SUNDAY (today)-- Dr. Sasson called at 7AM to let us know that we now have six embryos remaining. All of them are eight cell embryos. This is good! He told us we are going to push for a Day 5 transfer; he said the embryos looked "gorgeous"and that they are chugging along!
It is so strange; I already feel like they are ours. When I hear that an embryo is no longer viable, I honestly feel a bit saddened. I don't even know them, yet I know them. God knows them. Chris and I know them more than parents who conceive babies the traditional way... We have some extra science knowledge on our end. They are teeny tiny specs in a petri dish... but they are inconceivably more to us.
Some of you have asked about my meds: I am now taking estrogen and progesteron three times a day to get my reproductive system restored and back on track. No negative side effects to report to date.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Close to Parents?
The egg retrieval yesterday was a complete whirlwind, but it didn't really seem like one to me because I was drugged up for the majority of the day--- which was fine with me! I need to back up a bit though as I want to recap everything, even the little things, that God placed in my path over the course of the last two days.
Chris and I drove down to Philadelphia last night and stayed over at The Valley Forge Casino Tower so we could be close to the clinic in the morning. I know what you're thinking: Casino Tower? Yes, due to a huge convention in the area, multiple hotels were already booked, which limited our options. I was hesitant to book a room at the Casino Tower, but hey, we were rolling the dice with this IVF procedure, why not stay at a place infamous for dice rolling?! As an English teacher, I could not walk away from the symbolism and irony....
You should have seen us: two stragglers, rolling in from the snowy PA Turnpike, dressed in sweatpants and sneakers.
As we checked in at the front desk, Chris says, "We don't exactly look like high rollers, Rach. I think people are looking at us!"
I didn't mind. All I was looking for was a clean room with a soft bed. However, I was a bit nervous and wasn't really expecting a grand hotel stay as I had booked our room at the discounted rate.
We sloppily plowed into our room, bags, disheveled hair and all, and were completely shocked: the room was huge! Pristine linens, a huge jacuzzi bathtub, immaculate carpet and sinks... This couldn't be right.
"I think they gave us the wrong room," I said, still standing in the doorway, taking it all in.
Chris checked with the front desk, and yes, we were in the right room. Thank you God!
I am not a high maintenance gal; if I were asked to vacation in a tent or a hotel, I would pick the tent. But last night, I just needed a no-worry, relaxing, clean place to sleep. Thank you God! I slept like a rock until my alarm at 5:30. God knew I needed recharging before the day ahead!
As we walked out of the hotel to our car, we looked up and saw a huge letter "V" atop of the hotel. It stood for Valley Forge, but of course, Chris says, "Oh yeah. That's a good sign. 'V' for victory for us today!" ... I told you he is always Mr. Optimism.
Once we got to the clinic, things went quickly. I changed into a gown and started IV meds. I was so glad that my nurse for the procedure was Stephanie, a kind, funny nurse whom I've grown to love. I immediately was comforted knowing that she was going to be with me for the morning. Thank you God!
As I was rolled back into the operating room, I started singing a song from my childhood days at Agape Fellowship-- the core verse is Joshua 1:9:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
It was perfect timing for some mental song and dance!
To be blunt, there was a period of time prior to being completely put under where I panicked, as I was strapped down and prepped. Still, Joshua 1:9, Joshua 1:9, Joshhhhuuuuaaa 1 ..... and I was out!
I woke up in recovery, feeling pressure and cramping, but feeling relieved it was over. Stephanie and Chris were right there, giving me extra blankets and watching me wake up.
Apparently, Chris said I was somewhat emotional, crying softly, telling Stephanie: "I am not a wimp. Really. I'm not. I'm tough."
I don't remember this at all. Will confirm with Stephanie at my next office visit. (I think Chris just likes to finally have some ammo against me...)
Dr. Sasson came into recovery and told us that he retrieved 13 good eggs. He seemed happy with that number and told us that the eggs would be fertilized that day. He would call us tomorrow, and each day until transfer, with the total number of viable embryos.
When I was awake enough to leave, I was given some more pain meds, wrapped up in warm blankets, and put into the car. After yesterday, I am convinced that heated seats are the best invention of all time, with Vicodin in a close second.
We got home and I slept on and off throughout the day. La la land is a great place in which to recover!
This morning (morning after) I am feeling good. I still have cramping, but Tylenol is enough to cover it.
As I was writing this post, Dr. Sasson called. He said that of the thirteen eggs retrieved two were too small to fertilize, and three simply did not fertilize at all. So, we have eight tiny Knipe embryos at this point. He still cannot predict a Day Three or Day Five Transfer; he should be able to predict that, based on the strength of the remaining embryos, tomorrow. He said that they would watch the embryos closely and call us if there are any changes.
In this moment, I am overcome with emotion. This is the closest thing to being parents that Chris and I have ever felt. It is unbelievable, terrifying, thrilling... To someone outside of the IVF experience, we might look strange, looking longingly and lovingly at the mention of our petri dish children. But really, this is the closest we have ever been to the realization of parenthood.
Looking back over the past two days, I see how God hand picked each person (Chris, Dr. Sasson, Nurse Stephanie), each place ("Victory" Valley Forge Casino Tower, Shady Grove Fertility Center), and each thing (drugs and heated seats!) into our paths.
Now, we anxiously await more news from the embryology lab, and are once more reminded that He is a God who loves us so deeply that He knows what we need before our minds conceive of it. Now that's inconceivable!
Chris and I drove down to Philadelphia last night and stayed over at The Valley Forge Casino Tower so we could be close to the clinic in the morning. I know what you're thinking: Casino Tower? Yes, due to a huge convention in the area, multiple hotels were already booked, which limited our options. I was hesitant to book a room at the Casino Tower, but hey, we were rolling the dice with this IVF procedure, why not stay at a place infamous for dice rolling?! As an English teacher, I could not walk away from the symbolism and irony....
You should have seen us: two stragglers, rolling in from the snowy PA Turnpike, dressed in sweatpants and sneakers.
As we checked in at the front desk, Chris says, "We don't exactly look like high rollers, Rach. I think people are looking at us!"
I didn't mind. All I was looking for was a clean room with a soft bed. However, I was a bit nervous and wasn't really expecting a grand hotel stay as I had booked our room at the discounted rate.
We sloppily plowed into our room, bags, disheveled hair and all, and were completely shocked: the room was huge! Pristine linens, a huge jacuzzi bathtub, immaculate carpet and sinks... This couldn't be right.
"I think they gave us the wrong room," I said, still standing in the doorway, taking it all in.
Chris checked with the front desk, and yes, we were in the right room. Thank you God!
I am not a high maintenance gal; if I were asked to vacation in a tent or a hotel, I would pick the tent. But last night, I just needed a no-worry, relaxing, clean place to sleep. Thank you God! I slept like a rock until my alarm at 5:30. God knew I needed recharging before the day ahead!
As we walked out of the hotel to our car, we looked up and saw a huge letter "V" atop of the hotel. It stood for Valley Forge, but of course, Chris says, "Oh yeah. That's a good sign. 'V' for victory for us today!" ... I told you he is always Mr. Optimism.
Once we got to the clinic, things went quickly. I changed into a gown and started IV meds. I was so glad that my nurse for the procedure was Stephanie, a kind, funny nurse whom I've grown to love. I immediately was comforted knowing that she was going to be with me for the morning. Thank you God!
As I was rolled back into the operating room, I started singing a song from my childhood days at Agape Fellowship-- the core verse is Joshua 1:9:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
It was perfect timing for some mental song and dance!
To be blunt, there was a period of time prior to being completely put under where I panicked, as I was strapped down and prepped. Still, Joshua 1:9, Joshua 1:9, Joshhhhuuuuaaa 1 ..... and I was out!
I woke up in recovery, feeling pressure and cramping, but feeling relieved it was over. Stephanie and Chris were right there, giving me extra blankets and watching me wake up.
Apparently, Chris said I was somewhat emotional, crying softly, telling Stephanie: "I am not a wimp. Really. I'm not. I'm tough."
I don't remember this at all. Will confirm with Stephanie at my next office visit. (I think Chris just likes to finally have some ammo against me...)
Dr. Sasson came into recovery and told us that he retrieved 13 good eggs. He seemed happy with that number and told us that the eggs would be fertilized that day. He would call us tomorrow, and each day until transfer, with the total number of viable embryos.
When I was awake enough to leave, I was given some more pain meds, wrapped up in warm blankets, and put into the car. After yesterday, I am convinced that heated seats are the best invention of all time, with Vicodin in a close second.
We got home and I slept on and off throughout the day. La la land is a great place in which to recover!
This morning (morning after) I am feeling good. I still have cramping, but Tylenol is enough to cover it.
As I was writing this post, Dr. Sasson called. He said that of the thirteen eggs retrieved two were too small to fertilize, and three simply did not fertilize at all. So, we have eight tiny Knipe embryos at this point. He still cannot predict a Day Three or Day Five Transfer; he should be able to predict that, based on the strength of the remaining embryos, tomorrow. He said that they would watch the embryos closely and call us if there are any changes.
In this moment, I am overcome with emotion. This is the closest thing to being parents that Chris and I have ever felt. It is unbelievable, terrifying, thrilling... To someone outside of the IVF experience, we might look strange, looking longingly and lovingly at the mention of our petri dish children. But really, this is the closest we have ever been to the realization of parenthood.
Looking back over the past two days, I see how God hand picked each person (Chris, Dr. Sasson, Nurse Stephanie), each place ("Victory" Valley Forge Casino Tower, Shady Grove Fertility Center), and each thing (drugs and heated seats!) into our paths.
Now, we anxiously await more news from the embryology lab, and are once more reminded that He is a God who loves us so deeply that He knows what we need before our minds conceive of it. Now that's inconceivable!
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