33 Weeks

Pillows, pillows, everywhere!

My stomach is getting bigger. No shock there. As a result, I really can only sleep on my sides. My FAVORITE* sleeping position is sleeping on my stomach, but clearly that is out of the question at this point. So, each night, I put a pillow between my legs (to help relieve the pressure on my knees) and a pillow under my stomach on whichever side I am sleeping. Then, of course, there are the two pillows that my head rests upon. So four pillows total-- not too shabby.

This pillow process has been going on for about the last month. I am used to it; apparently, Chris is not.

Two nights ago, I woke up to go to the bathroom (I'm usually averaging about three trips per night). I got back into bed, did the meticulous pillow placement, and started to drift off when, all of the the sudden, Chris jolts, sitting straight up in bed. He grabs one of my four pillows and says, "Seriously! I can't handle this! I am being attacked by these pillows! Everywhere! Pillows!"

I can't even utter a word in retort before he lays down and falls completely back to sleep! 

The next morning, I approached him about the outburst. He had no recollection of this incident. Apparently, subconsciously, he hates the excess pillows in our bed.



*Sidenote: A few weeks ago, Chris and I went to the beach for a few days. By far the most romantic things he did for me was dig a hole in the sand for me so I could take a nap ON MY STOMACH. Bliss. Pure bliss.

Down to single digits

Nine weeks and counting; that is how long we have until the baby comes. That is how long Chris and I have as a married couple with no childcare responsibilities. That is how long we have not to worry about anyone but ourselves. Our lives are going to change. I acknowledge that. And while I am thrilled and eager for the change, I am a bit scared. (I think this is normal though).

The realization that Chris and my worlds are going to change, pretty much forever, is a bit daunting. I shock myself even as I type those words because, as you know, we've wanted to share our worlds with a child for so long. The realization that we are going to have a baby in our house, in our cars, in our cart at the grocery store, in our row at church, in our day to day lives is finally hitting me.

All the while, I am eager to see how God will pave the parenting journey. I think I have this vision of what it will be like, but at the same time, I know that realistically, nothing ever goes according to plan.

My anxiety level lessens a bit when I think about God's providence on our journey so far. He walks before us, knowing every step we take. And perhaps even more important, he walks WITH us as we take each step.

So, even though I've been having weird dreams and have ongoing parenting scenarios playing in my head more frequently of late, I have to remind myself of the One who is along for this ride too.

I'm okay. We're okay.

Hedge Trimming and Pregnancy

I love to be outside working in our yard, and that's a good thing considering we have much work to be done! When we moved into our house last summer, the property had many jungle-like qualities. Since that time, we have mowed, weed-wacked, cut down trees, dug up stumps... the list goes on and on.

We have a hedge row that borders the front of our property. Yesterday, while giving the hedges a late spring trim, a man walks by me and says, "Wow. A pregnant woman using a hedge-trimmer. Now that is scary!"

I wanted to say, "Not as scary as it will become in .2 seconds if you don't stop staring at me!"

That's right. Keep walking. Nothing here to see.

20 Paths to Positive

Take a look at Shady Grove's first e-book, 20 Paths to Positive, filled with inspirational, authentic stories from couples that have experienced all aspects of infertility. This e-book was written by patients, for patients; it's an honest view into the lives of couples on their journeys to parenthood.

29 Weeks

Note to self for future reference: At 29 weeks, you felt good; no major aches or pains. You didn't feel ginormous. You didn't feel little either. Just pregnant and looking forward to weeks 30 and beyond. You're really starting to understand that you will in fact have a baby in your house in 75ish days.

(Continuing the monthly photo chronicling. Note: This maternity shirt is comfy but slightly resembles a tent. I don't think I am as big as this photo depicts... At least in my mind's eye, I'm not! )

Mother's Day Mixed Feelings

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and while the day was clearly easier for me than in years past, I spent the day experiencing mixed emotions. Yes, there is a baby in my stomach and yes, that means I am going to be a mom in July. I should be elated, right? Don't get me wrong. I am elated; it's just that my elation has a memory--- a memory of times past when motherhood was this distant, seemingly unattainable, club that I was refused admittance.

I love that people see me (and my belly) and tell me how cute I look. I adore that women and men alike smile at the sight of my belly and the visual reminder of a future tiny life. I would by lying if I said I didn't enjoy the extra attention and focus at church and family gatherings.

All the while though, I am torn because I remember how I felt BEFORE this pregnancy experience. Before, it just felt like was I not interesting enough or normal enough for family and friends to treat me like someone "in the club." Clearly I was not purposely excluded from discussions. I have an amazing group of friends and family who love me dearly! At the same time though, there is only so much talk of breastfeeding, potty training, temper tantrums, pregnancy cravings, and labor and delivery stories that one can take! And even the discussions that were not about babies and children somehow felt like they were, to me, a sensitive gal trying to begin a family. 

So as another Mother's Day passes, I pledge to remember how it feels to be standing on the outside of the imaginary "baby" bubble looking in. I promise to seek out and authentically desire to know about the lives of women and couples who don't have children. After all  we MUST have more in common than our abilities to reproduce, right?