Making this sink in...

These words are so true, but the actual life application is difficult, one I'm working on. I'm thinking of printing out this quote and posting it all over my house this week.

Rough Day

It's been a long week. A cold, long week. With record low temps, Gabe and I have been inside for most of the week. Coupled with the cold temperature has been Gabe's cold (as in stuffy nose). Maybe it's not a cold. Teething? Who knows. Anyhow, he hasn't been himself. It's been a tough week for me, as he hasn't slept well and when he has been awake, he's only wanted to be held. It's hard to work from home when you're constantly holding a little insomniac.

I know I've written posts about the glorious days of motherhood, the ones where I simply can't believe I get the amazing opportunity to be a mother...

Today is not one of those posts. I'm allowed to vent here too. I'm just being honest.

Yesterday, I was feeling like the walls were caving in around us. Even my dog Stuart felt the same. So, I loaded Gabe and Stu into the car (layers and all) and decided to run some mindless errands. It was my hope that Gabe would fall asleep in the backseat, leaving Stu and I to enjoy the quiet.

False. No such luck.

I stopped at the recycling center, got gas for the car, and was on my way to the automatic car wash (My life of luxury, friends. Be jealous). As I pulled up to the car wash bay, I saw Gabe's eyes fall shut.

Victory!

I pulled into the bay and the water began hitting the windshield. My quiet peace was ever so short-lived as Stu, in the backseat, began to flip out. Having forgotten that my neurotic boxer had yet to ride through an automatic car wash, I reached back to pet him to calm him (and to hopefully, keep him quiet so Gabe wouldn't wake up).

After a few failed attempts at curtailing psycho dog, things really went down hill. I'll spare you the details but please picture this: dog vomit on the interior of my car, a crying baby, and me, sitting in the front seat, driving home at warp speed to clean in inside of my now outwardly shining Subaru. Oh the irony.

Last night, after putting Gabe to sleep, I poured a large glass of wine and sat in the bathroom. Alone. After about twenty minutes, I was a new woman.

Today, I'm thankful for new mornings, Pinot Noir, carseat upholstery cleaner, and my God (not in that order).

"A nose only a mother could love"

Growing up, anytime I had a cold, I remember my mom looking at my snotty, wet nose saying, "Well, that is a nose only a mother could love!"

I totally get that now! Gabe has his first cold and is a snotty mess. He can't breathe when he's eating and has even woken himself from sleep through his own loud snores! Poor guy!

I used to look at little kids' snotty noses and think: Eww. Gross.

I look at Gabe's nose and love him more! Yep. A nose only a mother could love!

A year to remember!

I think the holidays (especially New Years) tend to be a time for family, and food, and.... reflection. I know I can't capture in words what we've experienced this past year. Going through IVF, having Gabe, and living through the past almost five months with an infant has been some of the hardest, best times of my life and of our marriage.

Some days are completely sweet, with a smiling, plump, happy baby (and consequently, a happy momma and wife). Other days are exhausting, when Gabe won't sleep and when he seems so needy I can't even find time to go to the bathroom alone (No joke-- yesterday, I had Gabe in the bouncy seat IN the bathroom with me. I literally was singing to Gabe while attempting to go to the bathroom. TMI but true, my friends!) Being a mother is a role for which I've been gearing up my whole life, yet nothing could have completely prepared me for the role in its entirety.

Being a wife AND a mother is another new combo that I am still working at---I want Chris to remain my number one priority, best friend, and partner. It is hard when work, a baby, and the demands of life jumble together and make Chris's ranking as numero uno fluctuate. I want to keep him as my main man, my main squeeze and helper extraordinare; to do so, I have to remind myself that WE as a couple deserve maintenance time and energy too (which is hard when Gabe/work/life sometimes sucks out my energy before 6 PM when Chris gets home).

Every New Year, people make resolutions and try to "fix" what they perceive as broken or less-than in their lives, their work, their families, their bodies, their marriages... the list goes on and on.

I'm not making any specific resolutions. I am just going to keep on keeping on. God calls us to love each other, and I think we often only ascribe the loving one another-ness to strangers or friends or neighbors. What about our husbands? Our kids? I know that am I loving Chris and loving Gabe the best I can. It might look totally different from the way you love YOUR spouse, or YOUR kids, but I am really loving and living only the way Rachel Knipe can love and live, the way God wired me to love and live. It might not be exhilarating in comparison to others, but diaper changes, eating take-out Chinese, and watching football together on TV are all ways I've loved in 2013.

I have really tried to be PRESENT in whatever situation I find myself. Each new milestone of Gabe's is such a gift, something I don't want to overlook. Each night I spend on the couch with Chris is time to cherish. Here's to maintaining that mentality in 2014 and beyond.

Christmas Card 2013 and a throwback to 2012

As you may have picked up, SLEEP  (or lack thereof) has been a common theme in our lives to date. As such, our Christmas card is particularly fitting: 

INSIDE

Here is a photo from last year's card, with commentary:)

Daytime Napping! (shhh!)

I don't want to make the statement that Gabe takes daytime naps now. I'm afraid that if I write it, he'll stop.

For the first four months of his life, the kid never slept during the day for longer than thirty minutes at a clip. King of the cat naps, we called him.

Starting last week, I decided I would swaddle the crap out of him, place him in a dark nursery, and turn the white noise machine as loud as it could go. As soon as I see one eye rub, I take him upstairs to his crib.

Bingo.

He's not consistently napping; no routine or anything, but there have been a handful of one-plus hour naps since I started the magical combination stated above.

Probably because I just stated that he is starting to nap now, he will choose not to do so tomorrow. Alas. It was nice while it lasted.

Facebook: Blessing and Curse

In our ever-present digital age, it has become even more evident that the keeping up the the Jones' mentality lives on. I'm not necessarily speaking of material items (new homes, cars, jewelry etc), but more about life milestones. One could argue that never before has society so visibly "lived" their lives for the world to see.

Here are a few highlights from my Facebook Feed today:

- Someone is pregnant. Again.
- Someone just got married.
- Someone got an "A" in a masters course.
- Someone's significant other broke up with her.
- Someone posted pictures of a stunning Christmas tree, mantel, and light display from their home.
- Someone posted about her child making the Honor Roll, again. Wait. The Distinguished Honor Roll.
- Someone's baby slept through the night and then proceeded to roll over for the first time.
- Someone just bought a puppy.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

I think Facebook can be fun, and a really great way to connect. However, we also can fall into the trap of reading about other's lives and then comparing them (both good and bad) against our own.

Compared to so-and-so, my life is great! OR Compared to them, we are slackers with nothing to show for our lives!

I think we need to really LIVE a little bit more, as opposed to framing and constraining our lives to how it will appear on a Facebook Feed.

Life is so much more than that!