Everything You Do

My days as Gabe's Mom are spent cuddling, cleaning up messes, pureeing baby food, changing diapers, doing laundry, dancing to Sesame Street, saving Gabe from himself, lint-rolling dog hair, filling bottles, emptying bottles, laughing.... It's a redundant mix of the same thing on repeat, interspersed with moments when I honestly think my heart could burst from pure joy one moment and then collapse from pure exhaustion the next.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel. I'm pretty much content, but I'm just spinning around and around, day by day, doing essentially the same thing, but not really seeing sizable results of my efforts.

You might not understand this, but I love to listen to music. Around the house, when I run, when I drive in the car... I love singing along to the radio or to Pandora. Sometimes, I pretend in my own mind that I am in a real-life musical, that my life is a musical, where total ordinary moments turn into a song and dance fest. It's the six-year-old silly girl in me.

This morning, I guess I was feeling particularly lame, not particularly animated. There I was, sitting in my PJs (with Gabe snot-marks on each shoulder), hair a mess, attempting to get some work done yet trying to watch Gabe at the same time.

Type a paragraph or two... wait.. change a diaper... type another paragraph... wait Stuart don't lick the baby... type type type... Gabe don't pull the lamp over... 

Not glamourous. Not very stay-at-home-momish, not very working-momish either. I stopped and thought... Wow.  I do feel like a hamster. I realized I was doing the same thing that I did yesterday morning, and the morning before that.

Then, (like something out of a movie... or more likely, straight from the Lord) this song came on. The first few lines really caught my attention:

You're picking up toys on the living room floor for the fifteenth time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away

You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door

While I may not know you, 
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?

And then the chorus:

Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
(CHORUS)
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, 
Cause he made you, 
To do
Every little thing that you do 
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

My seemingly NON-GLORIOUS life as quasi-working woman yet full-time Gabe-momma can be GLORIFYING to the Lord. Even in the little things. Everything we do can be glorifying to Him when we do it in His name.

I picked up Gabe, danced around until the rest of the song ended, and then went back to my hamster wheel. Happy, content. To glorify my God in the little things I do.

Be encouraged today, friend...You don't have to pretend your life is a musical, though I do encourage you to try it now and then. If anything, take a listen and be encouraged too!

Hybrid Mom

In a world where everything and everyone must have a label, I don't really feel like I have a term that properly describes my days. When people ask what I "do" for a living, I usually spurt out something like: I am raising my son while working from home.

It's not a common concept, doing both. Most mommas are in a definitive camp--- stay-at-home, or working-outside-the-home. 

Yesterday I came across the term "hybrid mom"--- a combination of a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, and work-outside the home mom. Sometimes I wish I had a definitive label--- either stay-at-home-mom or working-mom. That way, I might feel like my life were more balanced; people on the outside could understand my days a bit better if I were doing one or the other. But then I think, no way! I could not imagine doing just one or the other... at least right now anyway. Who knows how I'll feel if we are able to add more kids to this mix.

I found the hybrid-mom term in another blog I was reading. The author (Jamie Weitl) was able to communicate how I feel about being a hybrid-mom well. I highlighted the most true aspects for me below: 

There are definite positives to my hybrid mom life.  The flexibility is what makes it worth it.  If I don’t get my work done during the day, I can do it in the middle of the night.  If I want to attend my son’s preschool field trip or help with his school’s Thanksgiving dinner, that is always an option – I just pay for it later.  I also don’t have to pay full-time child care for my three children.  Currently, my son goes to preschool 5 mornings a week from 8:30 to 11:30 and my girls spend four of those mornings at a neighbors house which provides my work time.  Any work I don’t manage to accomplish while the kids are out of the house I attempt during nap or when they are sleeping.  This is difficult in many ways, but in my mind it’s still a positive because of the time I’m able to spend with my little ones.

One of the most difficult aspects for me is I never really fit in.  All of my mom friends seem to fit into one distinct category – either they stay home or they work outside the home.  I struggle to relate and empathize because for me the grass is always greener on the other side.  I’d love to be a traditional stay-at-home mom.  I dream about the cleaning and crafting I could accomplish if I didn’t need to work every second my children close their eyes.  I also feel like my stress level would be much lower – I actually do all of the things a stay-at-home mom does (including the crafting and the cooking) but I still work on top of those tasks.  My other friends, the working moms, give me those looks when I drop my son off for preschool in my sweatpants and ancient Crocs – those looks that say, “Wow, must be nice not to have to get dressed.”  But what they don’t realize is that I’m working just as many hours (if not more) than they are – only my job doesn’t fit neatly in a 40 hour work week.  I do paid work every day of the week – and there is no such thing as leaving work at work.  It all blends together into one big, never-ending to-do list.

This post is disjointed; I am not even fully done fleshing out this new term, hybrid mom. What do you think?

Perhaps I actually like it? I feel like I am never in one "camp" or the other (working mom or stay-at-home-mom) since I do both. Maybe I like finally having a label.

They call them "Mommy Wars"...

Even before I had a baby, people were so inquisitive about what my life was like working from home. To be honest, before I started to work remotely, I too didn't quite see the reality of what working comprised.

Are you picturing pajamas and coffee, TV remote in hand? I did too. Before.

I work for The Network of International Christian Schools, specifically NorthStar Academy. I teach several courses to middle and high school students in the content areas of Social Studies and English. Writing courses, grading papers/assessments, and communicating with students via email and Skype comprises about 50% of my job.

The other 50% is spent on administrative tasks; I wear multiple hats in this category, so even writing down specific work tasks would take some time.

The bottom line is that I DO work. I DO have a job to do. I just do it at HOME. 

(FYI: I do get to work in sweats and PJs, however, from the top up, I must look presentable; I never know when I will have to Skype with my bosses, parents, students etc.)

Sometimes I LOVE the fact that my workplace is my couch, or my office upstairs, or my family room floor. It is great to be able to touch base with students, parents, and co-workers anywhere, anytime. Further, the invention of the smart phone has meant that I can literally work in a bathroom stall at Target, if I needed to (not saying this has happened...).

That same blessing (working anytime, anywhere) is also the greatest curse. I find it really hard to SHUT OFF work. I don't leave a physical building and return the next day. I feel a constant pressure to keep up with emails; I know they will just keep accumulating if I don't get to them as they come in! I don't want to make fellow teachers, parents, or students wait for my replies. Further, I have to figure out issues of time zones--- I speak to parents/students and interview teachers from all over the globe! It IS really cool, but also can be stressful trying to fit in and figure out how to connect to those who need my time.

Oh yeah... and I JUST HAD A BABY.

Throw Gabe into the above mix, and working from home becomes a full fledged circus!

Diaper changes, breastfeeding, and all things baby care are scattered throughout the day. Last week I went from feeding Gabe to interviewing a teacher candidate in Belgium (all the while PRAYING that Gabe would stay asleep through the conclusion of the interview). Grading student essays, speaking on the phone with a parents, and conference calls are daily occurances too.  Such calls are hard to schedule right now because the baby is on his own schedule; so far, I have had three meetings scheduled and have had to secretly breastfeed him and pray his burps and slurps were not audible to the people with whom I spoke...  Yes! Working from home is a breeze!

HOWEVER, I am totally blessed to have the job I have; I do love it! I am so lucky to be able to stay home and be with Gabe all day and not leave him with anyone else. I am trying to soak up these early days of motherhood all the while trying to stay on top of things with work. I am so lucky to be able to keep a foot in the world of education, challenging myself to keep up with all of the latest technology, continually getting the opportunity to teach kids all over the world.

But here's the thing: What is my label?

There are two, apparently rigid and opinionated MOTHERING CAMPS I am now straddling: Stay-at-home moms vs. Working moms. Which one am I? 

I want to be good at my job. I want to do it well. At the same time, I want to soak up every minute with Gabe that I can. I do affirm that parenting is my number one calling right now. Regardless, it is difficult to balance both worlds.

I can see how both "sides" feel; stay at home moms don't feel validated and working moms feel judged. BOTH camps are doing really great things and are, in their own ways, remarkable.

It's sad; instead of being a united front of MOMS, we are divided into camps. This motherhood thing is tough enough without the labels and division. Seriously. Take a step back and breathe, relish that MOTHERHOOD is the unifying factor here. I waited a long time to be in the motherhood camp at all, so let's stop and smell the roses (or diapers) here for a bit, okay?