Thursday, October 24, 2013

Sweet, sweet time

Baby powder, fresh coffee, and a cinnamon and spice candle create an aroma that just might be my happy smell. It's the smell of my mornings this week. I'm finding my favorite time of day is in the morning, after Gabe's first feeding, when he's smiling and warm, and still in his pjs; if society were able to hold a baby in soft pjs each morning and feel the squishy sweetness of chubby baby cheeks, they just might be a lot happier. I know I am.

Even Stu Dog agrees: Gabe smells good in the morning.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

This time last year...

I walked down our street yesterday seeing the stunning colors of autumn.... I started thinking back to last fall, when Chris and I made our first trip to Shady Grove Fertility Center. It was last September when we had our initial consult and last October when we started preparing for IVF.

I remember hiking with Chris last October; we trekked up the mountain weighing our fertility options, feeling both terrified and hopeful, a strange combination of emotions that we had not felt to that extreme before.

This past year has been the most intense of my life and of our marriage, but extreme in both good and bad ways.

What a difference a year makes---- that's so cliche but has never been more true for us.

Recently I've started to help other women struggling with infertility by answering their questions; Shady Grove's present or perspective patients ask their fertility questions, and I am part of a panel who can respond. Clearly I'm not giving medical advice, but emotional advice from someone who can understand (at least in some ways) how these women are feeling.

I was answering a patient's question this morning and was jolted back to the dreaded two-week-waiting period after our first embryo transfer. Re-reading my entries from those weeks was actually physically painful! I didn't have an answer for this patient or a quick list of tips and tricks to help her get through the waiting period before she can find out if her IVF was successful, but I did try to convey that she wasn't alone in her inability to be patient!

Even now, I struggle with patience. I think: Oh, I can't wait until Gabe can sleep through the night! Oh, I can't wait for X, Y, or Z to happen.

The truth is, I still need to ask God to help me even more thankfully experience each day in the present. The grass isn't always greener a few months down the road. I need to focus on the precious, small wonders Gabe has brought into my life each day. It's good to look to the future, but also good to experience the present.

No joke: He just pooped up his back. Gotta run! Thankful I have a baby whose diaper needs changed:)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Nap Boycotts

I'm discovering that the biggest myth surrounding newborns is that they sleep all the time. False. This is not true. Gabe does not sleep all the time. In fact, I think he is boycotting sleep.

Okay. That is all.

Sunday, October 6, 2013


Chris and I have been playing tag-team caregiver for Gabe for the past 8 weeks... and LOVING it! Yes, there have been some stressful, trying times (especially when sleep deprivation has crept into the picture). However, we've really been trying to soak up this time with him.

That being said, I started noticing that I missed Chris. Yes, I saw him each night when he came home from work, and I saw him on the weekends. We were spending time together, with Gabe, as often as we were able. However, I found myself missing time just with Chris. Just the two of us.

Friday night we decided to have a date; not one where we actually left the house, but one where we shut off the TV, silenced our phones and just spend the night talking and just being with each other. Gabe fell asleep around 9. We then had a late dinner and just spent time on the deck, talking, connecting, sans the baby.

Of course our family of three is super important; time is so cherished that we spend, the three of us, together. However, I really do believe that families must be held together by the glue of two parents, connected with each other. 

I am so savoring every minute with Gabe, and the time Gabe and I get to spend with Chris too. However, the highest priority to us, even over Gabe, is our marriage...That might sound harsh, especially considering Chris and I spent so long trying to finally have him! However, our family unit depends on a close relationship and bond between the us, the parents.

Even though our Friday night "date" wasn't extravagant, it was so needed. Stepping away from babyland was a needed retreat for us. We greeted Saturday morning refreshed and reconnected.