Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Waiting for a heartbeat

On Friday (2/26) Chris and I head to Shady Grove for the first ultrasound. I have a complete mix of emotions. I am thrilled at the thought that the ultrasound will show that there's actually something  IN my uterus, instead of the dark, fuzzy, empty screen I see every other visit. I am thrilled that we will be able to hear a heartbeat on Friday.

I am scared that something could be wrong. What if we don't hear anything, no heartbeat on Friday?

I think both emotions are normal.

I keep coming back to what I know to be true about God, His character qualities, who He is.... And that's where I have to rest until Friday.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

There's a baby in there!

On Friday, after many hours of waiting, Dr. Sasson's office called to tell me my HCG number was 1447--- Which means there is a baby in there!

I went back to the lab yesterday to do a repeat of the blood work. We were hoping for the 1447 number to at least double. Today, I found out my HCG number was at 4400. Good stuff!  A baby is in there and it's growing!

Friday, February 12, 2016

More waiting. Why not?!

(9:52 AM) I went to the lab at 7 AM this morning to have my blood drawn. The lab tech told me they would "try" to get the results sent to Shady Grove by the end of the day today.

Shockingly, I have not taken a HPT in two days. My compulsive pee-on-a-stick nature subsided for two whole days. Now though, I am eagerly/anxiously awaiting the REAL DEAL results from the lab. Please be real. Please be still in there, baby Knipe!

So, yeah. More waiting today.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

10 Days Post Transfer

I can't lie. I can't hide it. I peed on a stick. Like, many sticks. And they all indicate that there IS a baby in there! Of course I want to shout this truth to everyone and anyone, yet we need to wait until Friday's blood work confirms it. Even after Friday, we will be waiting many weeks before making this news public.

And yet, I'm broadcasting it here. Why? To offer hope to you who are still journeying. To speak of the goodness of God.

And because I just can't contain this news. You would think that five positive home pregnancy tests would accelerate my belief that there IS a baby in there. I just can't believe it!

Monday, February 1, 2016

2 Days Post Transfer

Our transfer was Saturday morning. It went smoothly; we were the only transfer patients at the office that morning and it was nice to feel some undivided attention from Dr. Sasson before our transfer. Dr. Sasson was really "in the zone" and reviewed his notes about the transfer with the staff before we started. The whole process felt less rushed than the other transfers I've experienced.

We watched on the monitor as the embryo was placed in my uterus. It is such a surreal experience. One second there is no life in there and the next, there is this spot, this tiny mass of living cells that could grow into a Knipe.

My bloodwork for the pregnancy test is not until 2/12. That's 11 days from now.

In some ways, I want these days to FLY by. In other ways, I want to stay in this period of unknown because it's safer than a negative result. The unknown is better than a negative known. The logic there is not super strong, but hey, it's how I see it right now.

Last week, two of my good friends told me that they were expecting. I am happy for both ladies because each couple will truly be fantastic parents. Still, jealousy creeps up, like a punch in the stomach.

What if this doesn't work? What then?

Evey time I raise that question, I can practically hear God calling me back.

"Rachel! I'm here! I'm here. I know you don't get it but I do. Trust me."

Chris and I prayed last night and he said, "God please give us peace. Help us to trust you." That's really all we can pray right now.