I never thought I would be relying on God so much with regard to my ability to breastfeed Gabe. Even as I type the words "breastfeed" and "God" in the same sentence, I am feeling funny! This post might seem a bit strange, but like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of my breast-filled life!
Gabe is over a month old and has been eating like a champ; very minimal issues in the food department. So minimal in fact, that we introduced a pacifier and were giving him a bottle (to give me a break) once daily.
It's funny--- I get so excited when he demonstrates any kind of a pattern or routine. Oh, how I crave routine! Until last night, we were cruising right along in the breastfeeding department. I recall thinking, Seriously! This is no big deal. It is time consuming, but pretty effortless.
And then, last night happened.
Let me set the stage: I went to a friend's house yesterday afternoon. Instead of whipping out my chest to feed Gabe, I had pumped prior and had a bottle to give him while she and I visited. We came home and Chris's parents stopped by to see Gabe. Right as they walked in, he started crying because he was hungry (I think they have a radar and know when is the most inopportune time to "pop" in). Instead of strangely sitting and trying to entertain them whilst breastfeeding, I ran upstairs, pumped quickly, and gave Chris's mom the chance to bottle feed Gabe (which she loved). For those of you who are counting, that is two bottle feedings in a row.
Two hours later, the kid is hungry again. Chris's family is still here (shocker). Chris's sister wants to feed the baby. So, I pump and give her the bottle. (#3).
Finally, around 9:30, they leave. I take Gabe up to feed him before bed and he totally REJECTS me. He refuses to eat, starts freaking out, turning red, and proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs. It was like he forgot how to latch on to my breast.
After about thirty minutes of this, I decide I am going to put him in his crib so I can Google the problem. (Thank heaven for Google!)
Apparently, some babies start to prefer the bottle because the milk comes out faster and it is easier for them to eat. So Gabe= a lazy chunker who likes his meals easy-style!
I kept thinking, he has to remember how to breastfeed. Seriously. He has been doing it for the past six weeks! Does he not know that if he simply latched on, he would be able to eat. Duh.
The most frustrating part was there was NOTHING I could do to get him to eat. I wanted so badly just to give him a bottle and be done with it. I knew he would take a bottle. However, I just didn't think I was ready (or Gabe for that matter) to give up on breastfeeding so soon.
When you have not slept in what seems like days, you begin to talk out loud to anyone, anyone who, at 2 AM can hear you. In my case, it was Gabe and God.
Please God. Help him. Help me. I can't do this. Why is this so hard!?
Who knew I'd be shooting up prayers for breastfeeding help! But, alas, He tells us to cast our cares upon Him; feeding my new baby was on the top of my "care list".
So, 48 hours and many frustrated feedings later, we are back on track. No bottles for us for a while!
I'm thankful for a Father who doesn't abandon me (or Gabe ) in our hour(s) of need--- even if breastfeeding is the need atop our list.