I walked down our street yesterday seeing the stunning colors of autumn.... I started thinking back to last fall, when Chris and I made our first trip to Shady Grove Fertility Center. It was last September when we had our initial consult and last October when we started preparing for IVF.
I remember hiking with Chris last October; we trekked up the mountain weighing our fertility options, feeling both terrified and hopeful, a strange combination of emotions that we had not felt to that extreme before.
This past year has been the most intense of my life and of our marriage, but extreme in both good and bad ways.
What a difference a year makes---- that's so cliche but has never been more true for us.
Recently I've started to help other women struggling with infertility by answering their questions; Shady Grove's present or perspective patients ask their fertility questions, and I am part of a panel who can respond. Clearly I'm not giving medical advice, but emotional advice from someone who can understand (at least in some ways) how these women are feeling.
I was answering a patient's question this morning and was jolted back to the dreaded two-week-waiting period after our first embryo transfer. Re-reading my entries from those weeks was actually physically painful! I didn't have an answer for this patient or a quick list of tips and tricks to help her get through the waiting period before she can find out if her IVF was successful, but I did try to convey that she wasn't alone in her inability to be patient!
Even now, I struggle with patience. I think: Oh, I can't wait until Gabe can sleep through the night! Oh, I can't wait for X, Y, or Z to happen.
The truth is, I still need to ask God to help me even more thankfully experience each day in the present. The grass isn't always greener a few months down the road. I need to focus on the precious, small wonders Gabe has brought into my life each day. It's good to look to the future, but also good to experience the present.
No joke: He just pooped up his back. Gotta run! Thankful I have a baby whose diaper needs changed:)