I think the holidays (especially New Years) tend to be a time for family, and food, and.... reflection. I know I can't capture in words what we've experienced this past year. Going through IVF, having Gabe, and living through the past almost five months with an infant has been some of the hardest, best times of my life and of our marriage.
Some days are completely sweet, with a smiling, plump, happy baby (and consequently, a happy momma and wife). Other days are exhausting, when Gabe won't sleep and when he seems so needy I can't even find time to go to the bathroom alone (No joke-- yesterday, I had Gabe in the bouncy seat IN the bathroom with me. I literally was singing to Gabe while attempting to go to the bathroom. TMI but true, my friends!) Being a mother is a role for which I've been gearing up my whole life, yet nothing could have completely prepared me for the role in its entirety.
Being a wife AND a mother is another new combo that I am still working at---I want Chris to remain my number one priority, best friend, and partner. It is hard when work, a baby, and the demands of life jumble together and make Chris's ranking as numero uno fluctuate. I want to keep him as my main man, my main squeeze and helper extraordinare; to do so, I have to remind myself that WE as a couple deserve maintenance time and energy too (which is hard when Gabe/work/life sometimes sucks out my energy before 6 PM when Chris gets home).
Every New Year, people make resolutions and try to "fix" what they perceive as broken or less-than in their lives, their work, their families, their bodies, their marriages... the list goes on and on.
I'm not making any specific resolutions. I am just going to keep on keeping on. God calls us to love each other, and I think we often only ascribe the loving one another-ness to strangers or friends or neighbors. What about our husbands? Our kids? I know that am I loving Chris and loving Gabe the best I can. It might look totally different from the way you love YOUR spouse, or YOUR kids, but I am really loving and living only the way Rachel Knipe can love and live, the way God wired me to love and live. It might not be exhilarating in comparison to others, but diaper changes, eating take-out Chinese, and watching football together on TV are all ways I've loved in 2013.
I have really tried to be PRESENT in whatever situation I find myself. Each new milestone of Gabe's is such a gift, something I don't want to overlook. Each night I spend on the couch with Chris is time to cherish. Here's to maintaining that mentality in 2014 and beyond.