Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day Mixed Feelings

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and while the day was clearly easier for me than in years past, I spent the day experiencing mixed emotions. Yes, there is a baby in my stomach and yes, that means I am going to be a mom in July. I should be elated, right? Don't get me wrong. I am elated; it's just that my elation has a memory--- a memory of times past when motherhood was this distant, seemingly unattainable, club that I was refused admittance.

I love that people see me (and my belly) and tell me how cute I look. I adore that women and men alike smile at the sight of my belly and the visual reminder of a future tiny life. I would by lying if I said I didn't enjoy the extra attention and focus at church and family gatherings.

All the while though, I am torn because I remember how I felt BEFORE this pregnancy experience. Before, it just felt like was I not interesting enough or normal enough for family and friends to treat me like someone "in the club." Clearly I was not purposely excluded from discussions. I have an amazing group of friends and family who love me dearly! At the same time though, there is only so much talk of breastfeeding, potty training, temper tantrums, pregnancy cravings, and labor and delivery stories that one can take! And even the discussions that were not about babies and children somehow felt like they were, to me, a sensitive gal trying to begin a family. 

So as another Mother's Day passes, I pledge to remember how it feels to be standing on the outside of the imaginary "baby" bubble looking in. I promise to seek out and authentically desire to know about the lives of women and couples who don't have children. After all  we MUST have more in common than our abilities to reproduce, right? 

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