If it seems like I'm in a bit of a valley right now, it's true. I'm starting to climb out, but I'm not there yet.
I haven't posted because we have just experienced a loss in our family that has consumed every moment since last Saturday. Chris's grandfather passed away unexpectedly on Saturday morning.
If you'll recall, Friday I went to the hospital to get bloodwork done to find out if our embryo transfer was successful. We didn't hear back from Shady Grove that day because our lab here in Williamsport was delayed in sending it to them (shocker). Friday night Chris and I went out on a date and Chris's parents kept Gabe overnight. It was good to reconnect and have a night out after the weeks of doctor visits and IVF hormones. We talked at dinner about the very real possibility that I wasn't pregnant. We started coming to terms with it, sadly, but surely.
We woke up Saturday morning and did some yard work, something that is tricky when we have Gabe with us. We jumped in the car late morning to go pick up Gabe from Chris's parents. When we pulled into the driveway at his parent's house, we saw that no one was home. Because Chris's grandparents only live a half mile up the road, we thought they might be there visiting. We drove up the driveway to see Chris's parents' arms waving to us, both with distressed looks.
Chris's grandfather had suffered a heart attack and at that moment, we needed to start CPR. Chris began CPR and continued until the ambulance came; another 45 minutes of CPR and the EMTs declared that Chris's grandfather had passed away.
It was a traumatic experience for all who witnessed it. It was worse for Chris because he and his grandfather Ernie held such a deep, special bond. Ernie was Chris's best man in our wedding. He never missed one of Chris's concerts or football games, or birthdays. He and Chris talked weekly. Chris considered him a father figure and an incredible man of faith. Many of the qualities I love about Chris are qualities his grandfather modeled.
As for as the failed pregnancy, honestly, we haven't had time to process it. I got a voicemail from Shady Grove only minutes after the hearse left Chris's grandfather's house, telling us that we were not pregnant. The timing of the day was just incredible.
A few days have gone by. The funeral was yesterday. Chris spoke and I sang and it was a lovely tribute to a sweet, faithful man.
I know Ernie loved Gabe and loved seeing his grandson so happy as a new father. His unexpected passing is just another reminder that God is in control. He's sovereign. His timing is His timing; we don't get to dictate it. Even in my sadness, I am ever so mindful of the gift that I have in Chris as my husband and Gabe as my son. I don't want to ever take that for granted.