Monday, February 1, 2016

2 Days Post Transfer

Our transfer was Saturday morning. It went smoothly; we were the only transfer patients at the office that morning and it was nice to feel some undivided attention from Dr. Sasson before our transfer. Dr. Sasson was really "in the zone" and reviewed his notes about the transfer with the staff before we started. The whole process felt less rushed than the other transfers I've experienced.

We watched on the monitor as the embryo was placed in my uterus. It is such a surreal experience. One second there is no life in there and the next, there is this spot, this tiny mass of living cells that could grow into a Knipe.

My bloodwork for the pregnancy test is not until 2/12. That's 11 days from now.

In some ways, I want these days to FLY by. In other ways, I want to stay in this period of unknown because it's safer than a negative result. The unknown is better than a negative known. The logic there is not super strong, but hey, it's how I see it right now.

Last week, two of my good friends told me that they were expecting. I am happy for both ladies because each couple will truly be fantastic parents. Still, jealousy creeps up, like a punch in the stomach.

What if this doesn't work? What then?

Evey time I raise that question, I can practically hear God calling me back.

"Rachel! I'm here! I'm here. I know you don't get it but I do. Trust me."

Chris and I prayed last night and he said, "God please give us peace. Help us to trust you." That's really all we can pray right now.

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