Friday, August 2, 2013

Patience, patience...

Chris, two nights ago at dinner: "Dear God. Thank you for this food and for all of the blessings you have given us. Thank you for this baby and for the joy he/she has given us already. Please help us to be patient while we wait for the baby to arrive. Amen"

Me, kind of jokingly: "What are you doing!? Praying for patience!? Don't you know that God will make us wait LONGER to so we really LEARN to be patient!?"

Even typing the word patience makes me annoyed.

Yesterday was not a great day. As I indicated in an earlier post, it's like Baby Watch 2013 around here. I do appreciate the phone calls, emails, and texts from inquisitive minds, wanting to know how we're doing. However, it is hard to know how we are doing, and even how to respond to certain questions sometimes (especially ones that deal with my female region and its preparedness for labor. Not cool folks. Not cool).

I know it is all in my head; when my anxiety kicks in, everything is bigger in my head. I feel like I am living under a microscope and people are just sitting around, in their lawn chairs, waiting for me to go into labor. The drive-bys, the drop-ins of family and friends "just checking" to see if we are in labor are unnerving. I know everyone is excited, but for me, I just feel overwhelmed and on edge. I guess these feelings are normal? I don't know?

Chris came home last night, and I met him at the door crying. I don't think I've done that since the hormonal IVF days this past fall.

"I'm done! I just need the baby to come. My nerves are killing me!"

"You're okay. You're fine. It will be soon!

"No I won't. It is never coming out. Everyone wants updates and I have nothing to tell them, nor do I even want to speak/see anyone! I just want to be left alone!"

After my "tantrum", Chris suggested we go chat on the couch, which meant me continuing to complain/sniffle/snot all over his shirt. After about ten minutes of that, I feel asleep.

I think anxiety makes me tired. Yep, I'm sure of it. I woke up 45 minutes later feeling better.

At around 10 PM last night, we went for a walk. Chris dawned his infamous headlamp, you know, the one that makes him look SUPER cool. We must have looked like quite a pair-- headlamp man and waddling woman. Oh well. At least it was dark and no one could really know who we were.

Chris is being supportive and funny, just what I need him to be.

Today is Friday. We have an appointment in the morning on Monday. If I have not progressed at all, we will schedule an induction at that time.

It's not that I am physically uncomfortable being pregnant; I am just emotionally tired of the waiting. We waited for years before this, through countless procedures and appointments. Clearly I can wait a few more days (but please God let it be sooner).

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