Oh, the monitoring...

It has been one week since I started stims. I am lagging behind a bit in terms of my estrogen (880)and follicle counts (maybe 15 if we're lucky), but it's not a totally hopeless situation. It seems my ovaries are working, but just slowly. We actually had to order more meds because I ran out! It is such a bizarre experience to stare at a cartridge of medication, knowing that just one dose = $500.

On Sunday, we traveled down to the Towson office because Harrisburg was closed and Chesterbrook was crazy due to the Pope's visit. The Towson office was FILLED with women waiting to be monitored (as in, like 50 women).

It did feel like an assembly line of sorts. I think that if I had to experience that in my first cycle, I would have been really discouraged and felt super isolated. It was just such a cold experience. Women lined the waiting room with just hopeless looks on their faces. I tried to send warm glances to anyone who would actually make eye contact with me. I think that my multiple IVF cycles to date coupled with pure desensitization makes me less prone to feeling like I'm actually part of the reproductive cattle herding taking place a SGF.

That being said, I still feel though. I still feel for others who are on their journeys to motherhood without a sweet toddler at home to greet them after the cattle herding.

I was riding the elevator down after my appointment on Sunday with a woman who looked to be around 30.  She was beautiful and was wearing the best of everything. I saw her get into her new Mercedes, sobbing.

I walked up to her and asked if she needed to talk. She replied, "This is so hard. It just sucks."

Ditto.

I stood and talked to her for a while and tried to help her gain a grip before leaving.

Infertility touches EVERYONE, regardless of what you have financially. It is emotional. It is hard.

I am again ever so thankful for my husband, my son, my God. I keep reminding myself of God's sovereignty. It helps me to think about it, but it also scares me a little, to be honest.

As far as my meds to date:

I am taking the highest dose of Follistim (450) allowable each day, along with 125 of Menapur.

Tonight, I will take 450 Follistim,  225 of Menapur, and Ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation. This combo will last for the next four days, I think. It's looking like I would trigger on Saturday night, with egg retrieval on Monday, 10/5?