What's next?

It was a painful wait at the lab at the hospital this morning. I hadn't thought about the fact that a lab could resemble the DMV on a Monday morning. It certainly can.

I sat in the waiting room for almost an hour before hearing my name called back. The nurse looked at my lab slip, seeing that the blood work ordered was for a pregnancy test to be sent off to Shady Grove.

I just smiled, trying to hide my sadness.

I'm 99% sure I know what the phone call from Shady Grove will entail, a negative report that I'm not pregnant.  And yet, here I am. Sitting on the couch at 2:15 PM eagerly waiting for the call.

So much waiting.

Last night Chris and I had our very first, Chris-initiated, open discussion about adoption:

"I think we need to start becoming more aware of what adoption entails, what questions we need to ask, what scenarios we're okay with, what resources are even in our area."

I was shocked. I didn't expect him to step up onto the adoption train so soon, let alone be at the station.

"Yes. Good idea. I'll order some books," I said.

"I think we should do the next embryo transfer in January or February, and then if it doesn't work, we need to pursue adoption head on."

"You don't want to try both remaining embryos first?" I asked.

"No. I just don't want adoption to feel like it's last place. I feel like God has been preparing us for something here and I don't want to avoid His prompting any longer."

So I do what I do when I don't know what's coming down the pike--- I research. I ordered seven books.

And I pray. Words are hard to find. I know God knows my heart though.

What's next, God? What's next? 

At 4:30 today the nurse from Shady Grove called. Negative.