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Documenting the bump. It's there. I swear.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Thankful for praying friends... and strangers
A few weeks ago, our pastor announced our pregnancy at church. At first, I had mixed feelings. I was glad he wanted to share our news but at the same time, I felt badly because I know knew that are individuals in our congregation continue to struggle with infertility. I can almost guarantee there are other couples who are secretly navigating infertility too.
The pastor asked me, prior to the service, if he could announce it. I smiled and told him it was fine, but I just felt conflicted. What he said next really amazed me (and I'm not sure why).
"I want to tell the church you're expecting because I am excited for you. Foremost though, I want to tell them you're pregnant because there have been many people praying for you over the past few years, people you didn't even know about. Those people deserve to see how God responded."
I do have some close prayer-warrior friends who have been walking this journey with me. But strangers? Who even knows about our infertility? It's not like I walked around with a banner that read, "I can't get pregnant." Or maybe I did?
After the service, a woman came up to me whom I slightly know, but not well. I know her name. I know who her husband is. I know that she sits on the lefthand side of the sanctuary, in the back. That's about it.
"I wanted to let you know I've been praying for you for over a year. I just can't explain it. Your name has been on my heart, and I have been praying that God would give you the desires of your heart. I didn't know that meant a baby while I was praying, but now, I do! I will continue to pray for you and for the baby."
She hugged me, and walked away.
Wow.
As we were leaving the church, an older man approached Chris. He is the greeter every week. He has seen us walk in and out of the church since we first stepped foot inside a few years ago.
"Chris! I have to tell you this! You won't believe it. Each Sunday morning, I pray for the mothers of our church. I go through the directory and pray for guidance and wisdom for them. Today, I prayed for Rachel, and then I thought, Oh wait, no she's not pregnant. She's not a mother. But today, Pastor Tim announced that she is!"
It's humbling to know that strangers have been lifting us up, without us even knowing it. Humbling and heart-warming.
The pastor asked me, prior to the service, if he could announce it. I smiled and told him it was fine, but I just felt conflicted. What he said next really amazed me (and I'm not sure why).
"I want to tell the church you're expecting because I am excited for you. Foremost though, I want to tell them you're pregnant because there have been many people praying for you over the past few years, people you didn't even know about. Those people deserve to see how God responded."
I do have some close prayer-warrior friends who have been walking this journey with me. But strangers? Who even knows about our infertility? It's not like I walked around with a banner that read, "I can't get pregnant." Or maybe I did?
After the service, a woman came up to me whom I slightly know, but not well. I know her name. I know who her husband is. I know that she sits on the lefthand side of the sanctuary, in the back. That's about it.
"I wanted to let you know I've been praying for you for over a year. I just can't explain it. Your name has been on my heart, and I have been praying that God would give you the desires of your heart. I didn't know that meant a baby while I was praying, but now, I do! I will continue to pray for you and for the baby."
She hugged me, and walked away.
Wow.
As we were leaving the church, an older man approached Chris. He is the greeter every week. He has seen us walk in and out of the church since we first stepped foot inside a few years ago.
"Chris! I have to tell you this! You won't believe it. Each Sunday morning, I pray for the mothers of our church. I go through the directory and pray for guidance and wisdom for them. Today, I prayed for Rachel, and then I thought, Oh wait, no she's not pregnant. She's not a mother. But today, Pastor Tim announced that she is!"
It's humbling to know that strangers have been lifting us up, without us even knowing it. Humbling and heart-warming.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Apparently Facebook Makes It Official
We've had a few people post on our Facebook walls about the baby, which has left others confused who do not know we're pregnant. So, tonight we fixed that:
Chris posted to me:
And we were off to the races, and apparently via Facebook standards, officially pregnant.
Chris posted to me:
And then I posted to him:
And we were off to the races, and apparently via Facebook standards, officially pregnant.
Due date... or not?
Today we went for my official obstetrics physical. It was pretty much like any other physical I've had other than the fact that the nurse measured my pelvis to determine if I am capable of delivering a baby vaginally.
I always thought this was a non-issue for me as I clearly have "child-bearing hips". But, I learned that hips have nothing to do with ones ability to actually birth a baby. It make sense. I could carry around a giant in my stomach for nine months but not be able to deliver him or her due to a small pelvic inlet.
The nurse informed us that my pelvic is tilted and could cause an issue during delivery however we won't know until we get to D-Day. Another unknown that she spoke of were the effects of my cervical scarring on my ability to dilate. She said that we will have to wait and see what happens and that I should keep a C-Section in my mind as an option.
It's not that I'm opposed to a C-Section. Heck, at the end I get a baby! But, I'm also reminded of the fact that sometimes cervical scarring can be eliminated during a vaginal birth and thus our odds for getting pregnant minus IVF could be higher for round two.
The baby's safety is clearly the highest priority. If I have a C-Section, we can always pay another visit to Dr. Sasson when we're ready for baby number two.
As far as baby number one's measurements, today our nurse Sandy told us that our due date is bumped up because the baby is measuring larger than a 12 week baby. It's nothing earth-shattering but we're now in a new month, July. July 28th.
I will be shocked if that date stays the same....
I always thought this was a non-issue for me as I clearly have "child-bearing hips". But, I learned that hips have nothing to do with ones ability to actually birth a baby. It make sense. I could carry around a giant in my stomach for nine months but not be able to deliver him or her due to a small pelvic inlet.
The nurse informed us that my pelvic is tilted and could cause an issue during delivery however we won't know until we get to D-Day. Another unknown that she spoke of were the effects of my cervical scarring on my ability to dilate. She said that we will have to wait and see what happens and that I should keep a C-Section in my mind as an option.
It's not that I'm opposed to a C-Section. Heck, at the end I get a baby! But, I'm also reminded of the fact that sometimes cervical scarring can be eliminated during a vaginal birth and thus our odds for getting pregnant minus IVF could be higher for round two.
The baby's safety is clearly the highest priority. If I have a C-Section, we can always pay another visit to Dr. Sasson when we're ready for baby number two.
As far as baby number one's measurements, today our nurse Sandy told us that our due date is bumped up because the baby is measuring larger than a 12 week baby. It's nothing earth-shattering but we're now in a new month, July. July 28th.
I will be shocked if that date stays the same....
Friday, January 11, 2013
Somersaults
This morning we had our first appointment at Susquehanna OBGYN. We met with a sweet, experienced nurse named Virginia. For about an hour, we went over everything we did to get pregnant, and then she took my medical history. She had so many questions about Shady Grove and about the meds and procedures we completed prior to today's visit. She was sensitive and funny; all in all, a good visit.
We thought that today would also entail an ultrasound but our nurse told us that we hadn't been scheduled for one. Normally ultrasounds are done every four weeks and since most couples start at 8 weeks, then 12, then 16 etc. we were not scheduled for one. Technically, I am 11 weeks and a few days.
BUT- I think she saw the looks on our faces when we realized we were not going to be able to see the baby today. She sat us down in the waiting room, grabbed another nurse, and then brought us back to "have a quick ultrasound" to see the baby.
Today, the baby was doing somersaults in my womb! It was hysterical to see him/her jumping and moving around. He/she moves like an actual living thing. Fingers and toes, arms and legs! Below is a picture that is fuzzy (it's a picture of a picture of a picture so you get the point).
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We go back next week for a few tests that have to be completed on Week 12 (which really is only in a few more days, but our appointment is next Friday) and then we will go back every four weeks until week 28.
God is good. As Chris says, "It's still in there!"
We thought that today would also entail an ultrasound but our nurse told us that we hadn't been scheduled for one. Normally ultrasounds are done every four weeks and since most couples start at 8 weeks, then 12, then 16 etc. we were not scheduled for one. Technically, I am 11 weeks and a few days.
BUT- I think she saw the looks on our faces when we realized we were not going to be able to see the baby today. She sat us down in the waiting room, grabbed another nurse, and then brought us back to "have a quick ultrasound" to see the baby.
Today, the baby was doing somersaults in my womb! It was hysterical to see him/her jumping and moving around. He/she moves like an actual living thing. Fingers and toes, arms and legs! Below is a picture that is fuzzy (it's a picture of a picture of a picture so you get the point).
.JPG-2.jpg)
God is good. As Chris says, "It's still in there!"
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
11 Weeks
I swore I would never publicly post photo after photo of my pregnant bump, but... (here comes my logic) this blog is doubling as an infertility/pregnancy journal for me, so of course, I need documentation!
After first our appointment this Friday with the Susquehanna OBGYN midwives, we're going public! Details from the appointment coming soon.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year's Eve
Well, it's New Year's Eve and I am on the couch. All day I've been fighting stomach "issues". Chris is such a keeper. I told him I felt guilty that we weren't going to be able to go out and have a more fun New Year's and he replied, "It's not every New Year's that your wife is pregnant. That's pretty fun, huh?!"
Christmas has come and gone in a whirlwind; living so close to both of our families is a blessing and a curse. We get to see everyone, but it is a crazy few days of flying around to different homes and dinners.
We told my siblings that we were pregnant on Christmas night. It was fun to be able to share the news with them... finally! They were thrilled and were visibly excited for us.
We wanted to share the news with the rest of our families (grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles etc). but prior to Christmas, we found out that Chris's cousin miscarried at 12 weeks. We thought it better to wait a few more weeks for a few reasons: 1) We wanted to be sensitive to their feelings of loss, and 2) we wanted to wait until we have fully reached the 12 week mark.
I have an appointment at Susquehanna OBGYN on January 11th. After that appointment/ultrasound, we should be all set to share the news.
It's funny-- it feels like it's been months since we found out we were pregnant, but at the same time, it's been a fun secret for Chris and I to share during this holiday season. It's like we have an AWESOME gift that no one knows about but us.
New Year's always causes one to reflect back to the years prior. I was reading through my blog entries from two years ago around this time. It speaks volumes to what God has done for us, even when we didn't see it happening:
9/20/11:
I feel completely empty as Chris and I just hacked through another discussion of pregnancy. We talked about our upcoming appointment to the "fertility specialist". I am feeling alone and scared because for right now, with something so huge, Chris and I are not on the same page.
The realization manifested itself tonight before dinner. A fierce debate ensued. Crying. Yelling.
Now as I sit to type my eyes are red and strained.
This, I see now, is the reason why so many marriages struggle or fall apart. The gaining of "a family" either naturally or not, is sometimes stressful.
It's just hard because we are not seeing the same vision of a future right now.
Are we enough? Are the two of us enough?
Do we adopt? Do we proceed with more fertility treatments? To what end? How much money do we sink into something that is not a secure bet?
Are we not trusting God enough? Are we not seeking Him enough? What should we do? These questions circle around my head incessantly.
It's hard not to feel like I am being punished for something. That sounds so dramatic. But then again, when were we ever promised a child? When were we ever promised more than the abundance we currently have?
I'm just struggling here. Feeling "sad" doesn't really cover it, yet I am struggling to type what my heart and head communicate.
God, I need you. Where are you?
It's painful and embarrassing to acknowledge that those words came from me. But at the same time, I am able to read them and see that God used our infertility to pull us closer to each other and closer to Him.
We never voluntarily place ourselves in full-fledged trials, but on this New Year's 2013, He has given me some clarity about our struggles and the lessons to take from them. His grace is more than enough this year.
Christmas has come and gone in a whirlwind; living so close to both of our families is a blessing and a curse. We get to see everyone, but it is a crazy few days of flying around to different homes and dinners.
We told my siblings that we were pregnant on Christmas night. It was fun to be able to share the news with them... finally! They were thrilled and were visibly excited for us.
We wanted to share the news with the rest of our families (grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles etc). but prior to Christmas, we found out that Chris's cousin miscarried at 12 weeks. We thought it better to wait a few more weeks for a few reasons: 1) We wanted to be sensitive to their feelings of loss, and 2) we wanted to wait until we have fully reached the 12 week mark.
I have an appointment at Susquehanna OBGYN on January 11th. After that appointment/ultrasound, we should be all set to share the news.
It's funny-- it feels like it's been months since we found out we were pregnant, but at the same time, it's been a fun secret for Chris and I to share during this holiday season. It's like we have an AWESOME gift that no one knows about but us.
New Year's always causes one to reflect back to the years prior. I was reading through my blog entries from two years ago around this time. It speaks volumes to what God has done for us, even when we didn't see it happening:
9/20/11:
I feel completely empty as Chris and I just hacked through another discussion of pregnancy. We talked about our upcoming appointment to the "fertility specialist". I am feeling alone and scared because for right now, with something so huge, Chris and I are not on the same page.
The realization manifested itself tonight before dinner. A fierce debate ensued. Crying. Yelling.
Now as I sit to type my eyes are red and strained.
This, I see now, is the reason why so many marriages struggle or fall apart. The gaining of "a family" either naturally or not, is sometimes stressful.
It's just hard because we are not seeing the same vision of a future right now.
Are we enough? Are the two of us enough?
Do we adopt? Do we proceed with more fertility treatments? To what end? How much money do we sink into something that is not a secure bet?
Are we not trusting God enough? Are we not seeking Him enough? What should we do? These questions circle around my head incessantly.
It's hard not to feel like I am being punished for something. That sounds so dramatic. But then again, when were we ever promised a child? When were we ever promised more than the abundance we currently have?
I'm just struggling here. Feeling "sad" doesn't really cover it, yet I am struggling to type what my heart and head communicate.
God, I need you. Where are you?
It's painful and embarrassing to acknowledge that those words came from me. But at the same time, I am able to read them and see that God used our infertility to pull us closer to each other and closer to Him.
We never voluntarily place ourselves in full-fledged trials, but on this New Year's 2013, He has given me some clarity about our struggles and the lessons to take from them. His grace is more than enough this year.
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