Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Don't you recognize me?

That's me. Rosie the Riveter. Except my name is Rachel and I am currently not holding a baby.

 Rosie and I share some similarities, however. She is a symbol of self determination. Her image defines the "We can do it!" attitude of many American women. I think most people who know me would agree that I am stubbornly determined to succeed in most aspects of my life. I am an organized, Type-A, control freak. So what happens when the "We can do it!" motto turns into, "Crap. No matter how fiercely I try, I can't do it!" mantra? What happens when we are unable to rely on what has successfully accelerated us through life thus far: our gene pools, our relationships, our skills and talents? God shows up. That's what happens.

 My husband Chris and I have been pretty private about our struggles with infertility. We have watched as countless friends and family members have have gotten pregnant (some accidentally) and have shared in their lives as they have traversed pregnancy, deliveries, and child rearing. And we really do mean it when we say we are happy for them. But, as promised, this blog is an open book to what is looming in my heart and what God is doing with me. It's some tough stuff to sort out while trying to plaster on a happy face at baby showers, birthday parties, and family gatherings.

The purpose of this blog is really multifaceted. We don't want to sound bitter, complaining that our lives are unfair because we can't easily become parents. We do however, crave a deeper level of understanding. God has and continues to reveal so much about who He is and what role He should play in our lives individually and within our marriage together.

Our struggle to get pregnant is far from over. We have gone through multiple evaluations, medical procedures, surgery, and medications only to find out that we are reproductively challenged. With the very few whom we've shared our journey, some ask, "Whose fault is it? Who has the problem?" They really don't mean to come off that harshly, but for us, it's sometimes like salt in an open wound.

 From the start, we've taken some solid advice from a dear past college professor-- Chris and I have agreed that the blame game is a no-win situation, that neither of us is the problem. Neither of us is the reason why we are not able to have kids. Yes, there is a problem, but it is OUR problem. Not his. Not mine. Ours. And, we will conquer it with God's grace.

 So here is the super abbreviated version of where we are today: After trying local fertility specialists, we decided to make the trek to Shady Grove Fertility Center, located in Chesterbrook, PA. Because we have had many failed fertility procedures to date, we are going to try something we've not before: IVF. It is my hope that this blog will chronicle that process as well as shed some light into what God is revealing to us throughout the way.

 I apologize if this entry was a bit deep; not all of my entries will be so heavy-hearted! For real... you have to be able to laugh when you are constantly discussing ovaries, semen, eggs, and harvesting... Really. My life right now is a literal egg hunt.

All joking aside, thanks for reading this. And thanks for attempting to grasp what is going on in our life. We've not been ignoring you. We've just been processing. God doesn't waste suffering, so we know He's got something amazing down the pike.

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