Monday, April 20, 2015

ROUND TWO: Transfer Day

We just arrived home from a whirlwind trip to Shady Grove. I have so many thoughts and emotions and I want to sort them out, but I don't know that I can at this exact moment. I will though, give the basic overview of our day.

We drove to Philly, holding hands, just trying to get past the fear that we may show up at the Shady Grove office with nothing to transfer. I did some work on my computer while Chris listened to (horrid) 80s music on the radio, his way to calm his nerves:)

We arrived in the parking lot and prayed together, asking that God would be with us regardless of what the day would bring.

We got geared up (me in a gown and Chris in a white jumpsuit) and went back to hear from Dr. Sasson. He said we had one really good embryo, and one that was lagging a bit behind. I literally exhaled for what felt like minutes. I honestly think I've been walking around for the past five days, just holding my breath that we would have an embryo make it to day 5. Now, I was hearing there were at least two in the running.

We debated if we wanted to transfer both, or just the good one, hoping that maybe the other could be preserved later. We surprisingly quickly and peacefully came to the same decision as last time; go for two. 

Even as I'm typing, I am having this weird revelation and awareness of this day. I have just been making myself so distracted, pushing myself purposely so far away from the feeling of disappointment and fear. I've just been trying to disconnect. Today was the first time that I felt like, okay, this is happening. It could be okay to connect and allow myself to feel and experience of embryo transfer day. I am nowhere near letting myself feel like I'm pregnant or like I'm going to have a baby. But I am allowing myself to savor God's goodness in all that played out this day.

We now wait two weeks for the pregnancy test. That seems like decades away, but I know I will sleep much better tonight than I did last night knowing that we survived day 5.

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