I am in a better place this morning, thanks to a good night's sleep, encouragement from Chris, and a better outlook on this coming week.
One of our worries as we approached proceeding with IVF was what to do with any remaining embryos that we didn't end up using. For example, if we had ten viable embryos, and only decided to have four kids, what would we do with the remaining embryos? The aforementioned question has caused a heated debated between Christians and non-Christians alike. I don't even want to go there because I know everyone has an opinion and that's not the purpose of this post.
Shady Grove presented us with a few options for the remaining embryos:
1) Donate them to research-- research that would further IVF procedures and increase the odds of pregnancy for other couples in our shoes down the road.
2) Give them to couples who are not able to produce embryos-- essentially embryo adoption. I know-- a difficult concept to grasp, but one that could be really meaningful to a couple who wants to have the experience of pregnancy and birth, but who can't otherwise.
3) Implant the remaining embryos into my uterus during a time in my cycle when odds of conception is low.... essentially, let nature take its course within certain parameters. (I was not a fan of this one-- it seemed like another way to dispose of the embryos, but more naturally? I don't know...)
4) Literally dispose of them.
As you can imagine, Chris and I have been grappling with what to do with remaining embryos since day one. We won't know how many remaining embryos we have until the end of next week, when we will know how many viable embryos there are to begin with.
God gave me Chris because he is the silver lining guy. The glass is most always half full with him. Last night, Chris said something that made me feel so much better: Dr. Sasson told us we don't have many eggs to begin with. Fewer eggs means fewer fertilized embryos, and fewer fertilized embryos means, perhaps, no remaining embryos to agonize over in the end.
Again, it's like God is asking: Do you trust me now, Rachel? Can't you see I've got this master plan that is so beyond what you could wish for?
So yeah. Today, my stomach is sore, but my heart is on the mend.