Tuesday, November 6, 2012

So Far, So Good

This morning, I had the pleasure of my dad's company for the car ride down to Philly and back. For a man who is awkward at the discussion of reproduction/women's physical issues etc., it was shocking that he actually volunteered to be my chauffeur! We are both political news junkies, so we spent the six hour car ride listening to political commentary and solving the world's problems. Election Day is tomorrow, so we had to give our two cents... 

Also popping into our conversation today was mention of God's faithfulness during times of trial, Throughout my whole life, I have idolized my father, to a certain extent. He has had his fair share of struggles. It has only been within the past few years that he has opened up and discussed some of the hardships and insecurities he's faced in his life. Today, he lamented that he wished he would have allowed more of his struggles to shine through and be visible to our family--- he wished that he would have been more open with us when we were younger about some of the difficult things he and my mom have faced in their thirty five years of marriage.

I didn't initially understand why he would have wanted to share hardships with us, his children. What parent would want their children to know the struggles of their parents, I wondered. 

Our family is so incredibly blessed. We have never wanted for anything, and have been raised to know Christ. However, my dad told me he wished he would have shared more during difficult times so that we, as a family, would have been able to see God's hand at work in the outcome. So often, we think that our hard work or our genetics are what help us through difficult trials, when in reality, it's God, guiding us to His perfect plan. 

My dad knows me. He knows I'm a control freak. I am a product of him, after all. He knows this is a private, tough struggle, not exactly the kind you want to broadcast to everyone. It's ironic that that is exactly what I am doing via this blog.... but from the safety of my home, with distance between the my words and your eyes.  

Even though it was slightly awkward, driving to a fertility clinic with my father, today was a special day, as my dad was able to share a piece of this vulnerable time with me. 

And of course it wasn't all serious talk today; as soon as we walked into the waiting room at the clinic, I'm pretty sure everyone thought my dad was actually my husband--- it was awkward, yet really funny. We got some odd looks. 

My dad commented, "I think they think I'm the sugar daddy who is too old to impregnate his wife." I wanted to laugh and vomit in my mouth at the same time! I left my dad in the waiting room in the awkwardness alone; I owe him one, for sure! 

With regard to the actual appointment, everything seems to be on track for a Thursday retrieval. My eggs measured even bigger today, which was good. My hormone levels are a bit elevated, so Dr. Sasson is going to lower my Menipur and Follistim to 150 iu each. 

I head back tomorrow morning at nine to make sure everything still looks promising.

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